black and white world in a colourful one

Karma bites

2012-02-12T00:26:00.003+08:00

A fellow colleague/classmate of mine recently forwarded an email to my class email group. I was utterly disgusted and disappointed when I read the email.

To become a doctor in Singapore, the final Mbbs exam is the toughest shit ever (other than the selection process to get into med school in the first place) (and I would know that it's the toughest shit ever considering I just went through it barely a year ago myself) and I will never ever for the life of me forget the panic attacks, the incessant cramming of info into tt tiny brain of mine, and of course tt mad rush to see cases and practice and practice and practice right before wards are shut on us before the finals.

This particular email came from a more junior batch of medical students than the current final year students and in it was their displeasure that the final year students were "stealing" their paeds cardiology clinics. What strongly irked me and disgusted me were their choice of words and analogy, by saying tt 'in times of famine father will leave food for their sons and elder brothers will leave food for the younger siblings' trying to insinuate tt maybe the seniors shld leave the cases and learning opportunity to the juniors just because they are younger. They also emphasized that these clinic sessions are rightfully theirs and that they should seriously consider before deciding to give it up to the final year students!!

No 1: this is not a situation like hunger where the seniors shld let the juniors. This is about learning where there SHOULD BE NO AGE SEGREGATION.

No 2: you are not even a final year student yet, you have NO BLOODY IDEA HOW SCARY AND TOUGH FINAL YEAR IS so please show some respect to your seniors and shut your mouth up before you pass judgement and make statements like that

No 3: even if you are a final year student, there are many other ways that they can get cases and not only "steal" your clinic sessions. In fact, having been there myself before, I am fully aware that clinic sessions are not considered best yield for final year students and hence if those students who have decided to go for the clinic to practice must have made tt decision after much deliberation and weighing the options available. I am fairly certain that going to clinics is not their first choice of place to be practicing at this point in time.

No 4: please be mindful of what you guys are saying in group emails like that. I think last year a similar incident happened where some juniors posted something in their class email group but there were actually seniors in the group and the email then gets circulated in the senior's email group as well. And frankly, I believe there are seniors in my own class email group as well and for all you know the email has been then circulated in their class email group. I dun think this kind of emails will do any good for the reputation of the class in any way. And I am not even sure whether these juniors are even aware that there are seniors in their class email group present and if this email was written under the full awareness of these seniors' presence, I feel that this is even more of a problem than if they were not aware in the first place.

No 5: there is such a thing as karma. Haven't you guys heard the phrase 'don't do upon others what you don't want others to do upon yourself'? Just put yourselves in your seniors' shoes, the final Mbbs is THE exam, one that no one wishes to fail (but with the knowledge that someone will and hoping that person is not you and hence doing all you can as a last ditch effort not to be the one), and then you all have to come face to face with juniors like that who are not understanding, who are not willing to share and let you even have that last week of your ward time before you all are banned from the wards. How will you all feel? I'm sure uall won't want your juniors to restrict you like that as well right?? So please, do spare a thought for others. And karma does bite. If this is how you have treated others, dont be surprised that when uall are in this situation that no one wants to help you out.

And the real reason I'm even blogging about this issue in the first place is that I really feel that the quality of doctors has dropped a lot. I'm not saying tt I'm great or anything, but it's after a series of events that has happened that led me to this conclusion. I heard about one year ago that another of my junior batch of students are real terrors. They have made complaints to the dean's office before just because the tutor was unable to give them enough tutorial sessions, and from what I have beard, it is not just complaints, they have DEMANDED for tutorial sessions. And I have also heard that they are rude to the tutors. Gone are the days when we have to bend backwards to accommodate our tutors because they are clinicians as well with very hectic work commitments, and who now due to unreasonable complaints and demands from unbecoming students, have to now bend backwards to accommodate students. And now this email which shows utterly no respect for the seniors, no tolerance and understanding towards them having a very difficult time ahead and doing what they are doing because we are desperate and feeling very anxious about a very important exam in our life.

It makes me all the more worried that singapore is still considering increasing the intake of medical students per year. When I first started med school, there were talks of increasing numbers of students. And when I finished med school, duke had opened and also produced their first batch of graduates, and there were talks of yet another medical school opening, further boosting numbers. Initially I was worried about whether Singapore will have to accept not so qualified students in order to boost the numbers (the reason y I say not so qualified is cos I presume this number of ppl would not have been accepted to medical school if numbers remained as they were before the opening of the two new medical schools and in the increase in intake of nus medical school). And true enough, this seems to be proven right by looking at my junior classes having quoted the above incidents. Not only that, when duke medical school first started, the students were of great quality. In fact, I had heard that many of the first few batch of duke medical students were INVITED to the medical school, hence proving not easy to gain entrance into the medical school unless highly qualified. But after only having accepted 4-5 batches so far, we seem to have exhausted the pool of highly qualified individuals to med school. I have noticed that in recent bactches of students, more and more who are accepted are those who were previously rejected by nus med sch before and now they tried for duke and got in, not cos they have anything fantastic to boast of like their predecessors.

Not only that, another worrying problem seems to have surfaced as well. When I was still in medical school, already I constantly feel tht there was not enough cases to go around for us to learn from. Many of the patients that were deemed good to examine or talk to were suffering from fatigue from having to entertain us medical students and this problem is especially serious when nearing exam times when all the patients will have a no medical students allowed sign up. So while we have unilaterally decided to increase the medical student intake, the patient pool has not changed and this will only dilute all our learning. How is that going to make us capable doctors who are supposed to have 'seen enough cases' by the time we finish our medical school years? I am not too sure and this sure is not and easy question to answer, nor is there an easy solution. All I can say is, I am truly worried about the future of my profession.

2011-09-03T10:23:00.004+08:00

relationships are really fragile

i'm watching the killing now as my brother suggests

the show starts off with the couple who are so in love

the show then follows with revealing their daughter's death

the subsequent episodes show how this death basically wrecks their relationship

the mum refuses to let go of the daughter's death

the dad knows he has to let go

the mum can openly mourn the daughter's death

the dad can't

the mum almost kills her remaining 2 sons because she was distracted with her daughter's death

the dad wants her to focus on her living kids

the mum believes in the police to catch the killer

the dad (who used to be in a gang) wanted to solve things on his own

these and many more things really put their relationship to the test

and according to my brother they end up in a divorce (though i haven't reached there yet)

in line with my parents' recent row, i really am very skeptical how we can keep a relationship "happily ever after" like in fairy tales

guess there is no such thing as happily ever after in real life

2011-09-02T21:09:00.002+08:00

Wow! Last post was in 2009!! HAHA.

This blog has been stagnant for THAT long

And what greeted me was a video of us going mad in that kelong..brings a smile to my face hee

Well the one good thing about leaving this blog this empty for this long is that i doubt anyone will visit it anymore

which allows me to pen down my thoughts more privately i hope heh

though of course we know nothing in the internet is 'private'

today mum was complaining and crying multiple times about how papa stolen her money many times over the years

amounts to more than 3 million apparently

makes me finally understand why all these years she had always nagged me to make sure that i dun let my future husband ask me to pay for anything

but maybe it's cos i was privileged enough to be born in a well-to-do-enough family

(i've been told this many times before)

i really dun think money is tt big an issue

so i dun really see why she's so worked up that she has no money

esp cos she always boasted how dad is so in love with her

shouldn't she be confident then that his money is also her money?

why would she be so insistent on having HER own money?

really makes me so scared to really have to plunge into a relationship

since 谈钱伤感情。。

if my parents who most outsiders feel are a golden couple

still holding hands and taking dance classes etc together at this age

face this kind of problems too

how the hell does this give me confidence to look for a relationship??!!

on the other hand

seeing a lot of my friends getting married one by one

when i have never even had a relationship in my entire life

makes me almost feel like a loser

and makes me wonder whether i am really so unattractive to be so so so single and alone.

really so 矛盾

sigh

testimony of the good times we had

2009-03-10T22:55:00.002+08:00

an edited clip of the various videos we took during the kelong trip. shows how 6 good friends can get very siao together when we are the only guests at the kelong. heh.

it is a bit embarrassing to put the clip here but i suspect tt my blog is no longer visited by many due to the long hiatus. heh heh heh.

now officially an adult

2008-12-06T19:42:00.003+08:00

with pharmaco CA coming up,
i thought this birthday would be spent studying only.
not tt i din expect any celebrations,
but i thought they'd come after the CA..
so i must say i was pleasantly surprised with the two surprises :)
and of course the presents tt i'm so happily pleased with :)

thank you to all of u who have made my birthday so special.
uall have really really warmed my heart much :)

and i can't believe i'm so gullible as to fall for the exact same trick that my parents used twice....
and cos of tt, ms tai called me blur :(
but tt's also cos she's happy tt she's not the only blur one ard, for a change :)
and now back to mugging everyone :) haha

oh yes, suddenly remembered why i decided to write this post...
after 21 years of my life lamenting that i haven't found anyone with the same birthday as me yet..
i finally found one this year..
and despite the fact tt i'd like to celebrate having found someone...
this person is not the most ideal tt i'd love to share a birthday with so..hmm...haha..
i sure hope she doesn't chance onto my blog!!! *keeps fingers crossed*

last two months in a nutshell with pictures

2008-12-02T20:08:00.005+08:00

note: photos are NOT placed in chronological order...(other than the sequences of the phs photos...hahaha)

phs goodie bag packing

phs goodie bag stacking

lovely phs comm..oops..missing some ppl..obviously not the correct photo to upload..but heck la..haha.

i think this was the idiot who locked me in between two trolleys.
post-phs - all of us went a bit mad.
we even did bumper-trolley..siao..

post-cable ski dinner.

cable-ski --> girls slacking aft lunch when guys jumped straight back to cable skiing.
the other group photo is censured. haha. for personal viewing only. heh.

boss's birthday, one day before phs goodie bag packing and we stayed out for supper until like 5..

timbre with councillors. obviously wrong photo again cos lil and i not looking at camera..but too lazy to find the correct one.
guest appearance - teck tee!!! (though not portrayed in this photo!)

long overdue post

2008-12-02T19:52:00.002+08:00

my blog's dead.
like my life.
so boring.
no excitement other than setting plugs, taking bloods, and learning all about trauma management etc.
so as u can prob guess by now, i'm doing my emed posting.

ended my slack fam med posting.
really miss it..
miss the coolness of having a slack posting.
miss the coolness of everyone chilling cos the posting is way to easy and slack.

but thankfully emed's treating me not bad too.
not bad in the sense tt the stuff are exciting to watch and learn,
but damn bloody tiring!! haha.
like we just did night call last night.
din sleep at all the whole night.
a surprise i could still drive today.

and then still can go celebrate dad's birthday. :)
ate at the tien gourt again (where we celebrated mum's birthday)
food's quite good as usual.
but eat until i want to burst agian...
and went to west coast plaza (yet again..i think i've been there like just short of 10 times since it opened less than 1 month ago..)
and finally explored the pharmacy there!
so excited and happy to find generic paracetamol which cost me 3 bucks for 100 tablets...
YAY to the end of expensive panadol..hahaha.
and then also bought famotidine..cos the bismag tt i finally found will cost me 13 bucks as opposed to 96 cents for the famotidine..so decided tt i should give famotidine a shot :)

in loving memory of wa wa

2008-10-25T21:01:00.002+08:00

really miss you a lot!
miss having you follow us around wherever we go,
miss having you cuddle up in my lap,
miss having you sleeping on my bed,
miss having you purposely turning over asking for a tummy rub.

musings of the bored mind

2008-10-20T21:40:00.003+08:00

i think i'm a very complicated person.
sometimes i wish for one thing,
but other times i wish for something tt is totally opposite of the first thing.
and i think i'm not making sense
but it's good.
cos i dun want anyone to make sense of what i just said.

anyway, i was just thinking a while back..
tt it's easier to say hi to an acquaintance..
then try to maintain a good relationship with someone whom you are supposed to be close to but friction arises cos you see each other abt 24/7 each day.
oh wells,
this was sparked off by some events i faced tt day,
when i realised tt it was actually easier for me to smile and say hi to an acquaintance,
than smile to the latter.

and i'm always in awe when i see how close wen shan and furene are through all these years.
hope i'll be able to achieve this :S
and i really ought to go back to studying.
NEED TO BE MORE FOCUSED FOR EOPT.
WHICH I THINK I'M GOING TO FLUNK ALR.

public health screening

2008-10-06T23:33:00.004+08:00

and so phs is finally over!
through a very tiring and sleep-deprived weekend,
which caused me to end up with sore and throbbing feet even up to now (more than 24h since the event has ended!), a hoarse voice with a mild sore throat to go with it and still feeling sleep-deprived-yet-having-to-finish-the-case-writeup-that-we-promised-dr-leslie.

but i must say my job was the most gratifying.
it made me really glad that we had decided to move to IMM for reasons as such:
1) we are totally screening a different group of people, fulfilling our aim to move away from toa payoh.
2) this group of people mention that they've never had health screenings like that in this region, and hence many are appreciative of our work here (i'm beginning to think tt the ppl in toa payoh are taking us for granted hahahaha)
3) my job is probably one of the few that allowed me to talk cok quite a lot with the participants, which was really really fun and interesting (most other stations just deal with the readings and that's it, only consultation prob will get to talk to them quite a bit)!
4) of course, my job also allows me to see a variety of kids whom i could play with :)

but at the same time my job was the most tiring.
like i told quite a few ppl,
the least tiring job in phs would be the consultation/questionnaire/BP/CBG ppl since they get to sit down and do their job, esp the BP and CBG ppl who apparently dun get to talk to the patients much (consultation and questionnaire ppl at least get to become very thirsty)
then the next in line would be the ushers/queue managers who haf to stand the whole day directing the crowd in the right flow of the event/to the event in the first place, and these ppl prob haf to speak..but maybe not a lot. haha.
but the ultimate is still yee keow and my job,
we haf to talk (cos of survey), we haf to stand (cos the flow usu is just too good for us to have time to sit down and rest, esp on sun), and worst of all, we haf to carry stuff - goody bags/apples/vouchers.

and below is the link to the media coverage of the event on which i appeared for quite long :)
thankfully i wasn't caught slacking! haha
and kai liang looked/sounded so nervous!
he said a total of 4 times "jiu shi"!!! haha.
http://www.cnachinese.com/stories/singapore/view/65110/1/gb/.html

and now that phs is over,
i haf to start studying for medicine EOPT alr..
screwed for it alr.. -gulps-
but before that..
i need to finish case writeup tonight.
bleh.
stuck at management now, but feeling super sleepy...

tired but happy

2008-10-01T21:27:00.005+08:00

today was a mad rush for phs stuff.

ok i wouldn't say rush, but we definitely did have a mad day packing and stacking all those goody bags.
now the only nightmare left is moving the goody bags to IMM..gulps.

ok i guess the story must begin with the surprise at boss' house at 12mn.
cos her birthday is today.
and we decided that we wanted to surprise her at her place
(i wonder since when did going to friend's house late at night become so fashionable. must be woochiao's fault since it all started from his birthday!!)
anyway, the surprise was surprisingly well-kept woohoo!!
grace really din expect us at all! :)

only prob was (as we should haf expected)
when all councillors get together,
we tend to talk and talk and talk and forget abt time..
and by the time we realised tt we were hungry,
it was alr 3am.
so we decided to go for supper (wrong move, i should've gone home man)
and the stupid supper took so long to come..
that by the time i got home, it was alr 5am!!

and normally 5am wouldn't have been so bad..
except that we had a mtg this morning at 9.30am :S
so yeah, survived with only about 4hrs of sleep.
only to rush down for mtg..
to find out tt more ppl are late..
......
which is y we had a slow and dreary morning waiting for ppl,
then mtg which wasn't as bad/long as i thought it would haf been..

then came the packing..
which was nightmarish..
when we were packing..
it seems almost as if we'd never finish packing..
plus it was highly back-breaking with all tt bending down and getting the goody bags to move them from one place to another.

and if i thought the packing was nightmarish,
the fitting of the goody bags into the seminar room was worse!!
it took wits, balancing act, courage to try for greater heights and of course, the actual height to talk about in order for us to squeeze all 1230 of the ntuc bags into one single seminar room!
so proud of ourselves at the end of the day!! woohoo!!
too bad i dun haf pictures to show. must remember to get from yilin!! then maybe i'd post here aft tt :)

then when all work was almost done,
we went berserk..
with none other than
avenue q and wicked songs!!
i mean what else can we expect right?? haha..with woochiao, david, damian and myself there.
plus zeying to boost :)
(it was her music to begin with)
and i think we almost drove kailiang nuts with the songs!! heehee.
sorry boss!! :)

and of course,
today's packing wouldn't have been possible without the help of
damian, david, dory and yiliang!!!
THANK YOU GUYS!!!
(though i dun think dory and yiliang will ever see this..hmm..in fact, would damian and david even see this?? hahaha)
u guys were fantastic!
and thank you for sacrificing your day of rest, holiday and mugging to help us with our goody bag packing!!
damian, i think aft today's packing..u might change ur mind abt liking to pack goody bags huh..hahaha :)

and last but not least,
i haf to thank my boss for treating us to lunch!!! woohoo!!! :) :)

on a side note,
after that last entry about lamenting about not having ever even SEEN the F1 route,
i had the honour of driving on the route just about 1 day after the roads there were open aft they were closed for the F1 race!! :) :)
EXCITING!!! :) :) :)
i even passed by the place that Massa caused Sutil to crash his car!! :) :)
yup yup, we travelled down this path when we went to suntec to collect the pens for the goody bags and we went on this route to get back to TTSH from suntec on tues :) :)
though i had to pay ERP twice just to get to suntec to get the pens :( :( haha.

sorely disappointed

2008-09-28T23:17:00.002+08:00

it's my first year watching F1,

and like i've explained to a few ppl,
i started cos my bro wanted to watch it one sun,
and that happened to be the Monaco race.
and having been to Monaco on the night of the race day two years ago,
i was pretty excited and for once agreed to allow my brother to watch (haha, if not an argument was sure to ensue among the three of us regarding what to watch over dinner)
prior to this i always thought F1 was pretty stupid since the drivers just make rounds after rounds around the same track (i mean like 50+ 60 laps?? come on!!!)
and it still is quite stupid to haf to go around so many laps and sometimes even boring..
but at least now i noe the ppl..
and at least i noe two different tracks hee hee.

and that particular Monaco race proved to be quite exciting,
contrary to what ppl expect (what with it being difficult to overtake etc etc)
though i can't exactly remember right now what exactly happened. haha.

and the next F1 race i watched was the one that Hamilton was caught up in the appeal when he was made to drop from 1st place to 3rd (i haf NO IDEA where in the world tt F1 was held! haha)
i didn't watch that whole match cos we were out celebrating my mum's birthday,
but we caught the last part..
which also proved to be the exciting part..
cos it was the part that hamilton bumped raikkonen off and caused raikkonen to spin off-course and out of the race.

and the third F1 race i watched was none other than the first ever night race in F1,
first ever street course in Asia,
none other than the Singapore F1!!!

but this F1 proved to be really disappointing for me.
without a doubt,
there was more action than anyone could have thought would have happened in singapore..
what with all the drivers exclaiming that it's difficult to overtake ppl in the race course.
there were a couple of good overtakes in the race, thankfully, disquelling the common belief.

i guess for ppl who have never ever followed the F1 scene,
the only inkling they'd ever haf of the F1 scene is that the Ferrari is the best..
and if anyone who starts following the F1 scene would most undoubtedly be rooting for Ferrari.
Hence i am not an exception as well. heehee.
which is y this race is so disappointing.
i can't believe that Massa lost out in this race all because the Ferrari team made a mistake by not ensuring that the fuel hose was pulled out before changing the lights.
and i can't believe that Massa continued screwing up in the race all because he lost all motivation by that mistake.
sigh.
and just when i thought at least the other Ferrari looked like it was going to score some points for the team,
at about the 5th (?) last lap, Raikkonen crashed,
dashing all hopes of Ferrari gaining any points in the Singapore Grand Prix.
sigh sigh sigh.

and now the worst part is that cos of Hamilton's 3rd position,
Mclaren is 1 point ahead of Ferrari from a 5 point lead!
now i can only pray that the Fuji Grand Prix can help fix things back!

anyway now for the lighter part..
it's quite amazing how i cannot really recognise the road(s) that the racetrack in singapore uses..
i mean i can recognise the area definitely,
like the padang, the esplanade, the floating platform, the parliament house..
but i can't seem to recall having ever driven on those roads..
maybe i really haven't.
haha.
but i've definitely walked by foot along the road next to padang..
yet, the slight arrangements made to the road for the race has totally rendered it non-recognisable for me.. :S gulps.
and i definitely didn't even notice the light works going on there!
mental note to self: the next time i go past there, i must go and have a good look at the lights and place man.. haha.
and actually yest i wanted to go down to somewhere nearby (like esplanade) during the qualifying to like soak in the atmosphere..
but after giving out the flyers, i was so tired and was so scared of the crowd that i chickened out last min..
hopefully will get to do it nxt yr lor..though it's my sis's A levels year..
then the year aft tt is my final MBBS year..
oh well..
at least the F1 is here to stay for at least 4 more years..
so i should still haf 2 more years to have a chance to go soak in the atmosphere! :)

handwriting analysis

2008-09-15T01:14:00.002+08:00

I came home from rah's party to find a highly distressed sister who was dumped quite a lot of work to do for pw..poor girl. this explains y i only got to use the computer so late (i mean i ought to be in bed by now right? thankfully i start sch quite late tml). anyway, she was also the one who introduced me to do this handwriting analysis (dunno where she find time to do this also, prob while waiting for all her pw group-mates to send her the stuff) which she thought was quite accurate, so i decided to give it a shot. here's the add: http://www.handwritingwizard.com/

the following is the results from the test. :)

Welcome Shihui Tan, here is your handwriting analysis.

Shihui is moderately outgoing. quite true i think Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes.

Shihui will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. this is very true, especially in the context of clinicals!! She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Shihui an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other.

When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Shihui is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story.

Shihui is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. and omg, this cannot be any truer! i always find myself being able to see the reason behind both sides of the story and hence not being able to decide until i m finally FORCED to make a decision! She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Shihui doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Shihui is sensitive to criticism about her ideas and philosophies. my sister says this is true..but i'm not too sure...i'd think sensitive to criticisms about herself and her i dunno, skills? but ideas and philosophies..hmm..tt's a new one..She will sometimes worry what people will think if she tells them what she believes in. This doesn't mean she won't talk, or that she feels ashamed. It merely means she is sensitive to what others think, regarding her beliefs.

Shihui will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it! prob used to be truer last time..but now maybe not so much alr..sigh..the "wonders" of having to be tactful and diplomatic in the real world!

In reference to Shihui's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. To think i was actually just complaining that i'm biting off more than i can chew!! Amazing! but i'm not so sure about the creative part..would be happy if tt were true. haha. When Shihui slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.

She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Shihui can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip. prob true in a way, like how i really need the longer time before exams to slowly assimilate all my info and this is the time i learn even better by compartmentalising my knowledge, as compared to just picking up info from lecturers.

Shihui's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Shihui that she wasn't a great and beautiful person, and she believed them. hmm, this sounds way too familiar. i sure hope that this is a trait of the past..but i'm thinking not..Shihui also has a fear that she might fail if she takes large risks. Therefore she resists setting her goals too high, risking failure. i dun really agree with this too. i mean i think i'm the kind who can't risk failure, but i would resist setting my goals too high because of that..in fact, i set my goals pretty damn highly. :S She doesn't have the internal confidence that frees her to take risks and chance failure. Shihui is capable of accomplishing much more than she is presently achieving. All this relates to her self-esteem. Shihui's self-concept is artificially low. Shihui will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because she is afraid that if she makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Shihui to plan too far into the future. She kind of takes things on a day to day basis. She may tell you her dreams but she is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud she speaks, look at her actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Shihui is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.

Shihui has a temper. She uses this as a defense mechanism when she doesn't understand how to handle a situation. Temper is a hostile trait used to protect the ego. Temper can be a negative personality trait in the eyes of those around her. O M G. u should noe this one if u are truly close to me.

Shihui has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Shihui has no white space or margins on a typical sheet of paper. Shihui fills up every last inch on the top, right, left, and bottom. Hmmm. If this is true, then Shihui has a very aggressive personality toward others and quite frankly lacks a bit of respect for the space and property of other people. oops! i sure hope this is not really true/that extreme a trait in me!!! I would be surprised if Shihui just comes into someone's home and helps herself to a drink in the refrigerator. This can be both an obnoxious personality trait and it can be assertive and effective in getting what you want. There isn't much fear of getting in trouble here, Shihui finds plenty of reasons to break the rules and get in trouble. (Okay, perhaps when she was younger, not anymore?) Basically, people with no margins are a handful.

so, good and bad again, as with us all mortal beings. i really really like all these personality things..it gives me a good chance to really reflect on who i think i m since i'll compare it with what a set test, which can be both reliable (like those created by i dunno, psychologists and in this case i presume a good graphologist..haha) and maybe not so reliable (just random test found online that no one can identify the sources) seems to tell me that i am based on certain choices i make. of course, i still feel that the value of these tests lie in whether others view it as the same way i feel it, cos then it gives me a feel of how OTHERS see me (which is probably a more accurate description of how i really am as compared to what i think i am since i hardly reflect on what kind of person i m..hahaha). however, this last option doesn't really come by often, which is y i was quite glad i had input on some parts of the analysis from my sister :)

i think i'm beginning to understand how the world works

2008-09-12T11:02:00.003+08:00

i am a person who doesn't like conflicts.
should conflicts arise,
my reflex mechanism is to run away from the problems,
and then not think about it.
that's y i never knew y conflicts arise.
and i just know that i dun like conflicts.

but having so much more time recently (ironically considering we are supposed to be studying for patho - recall my theory about having more time when we are studying for exams)
i think i finally figured sth out.
even if it's not always the case,
this is definitely the situation i m facing now.

conflicts arise cos there are differences in expectations among different people, especially when the expectations are directed towards similar work/chores or even morals.
and more often than not, we do not voice out our expectations willingly - i mean, it would be quite weird to do so out of the blue right? haha
and in the hectic lives of ours,
we just can't afford the time to sit down and thrash things out,
and then there's the snowball phenomenon,
where all the probs just add up into sth bigger.

so now that i've understood (at least partially) how conflicts arise,
i should embark on my lifelong journey to experiment and find out how to deal with them.
sigh.

happy birthday mummy!

2008-09-08T23:33:00.005+08:00

as i mentioned in my previous entry,

yest we went to celebrate my mum's birthday with a dinner outside.
we went to Tien Gourt at Copthorne King's hotel - a chinese restaurant.

one of the rare few family photos we haf.
and a pretty decent photo at that too :)
<3

my favouritest person in the whole world.
u look so cute and quite stunned here. haha.

with my nxt favourite person in the world <3
eeyer, not fair, u look so young!! hmrph!!

and a picture of the food that we had.
like i said, we had chinese food and this was peking duck (slurp!) and some fish dish.
the food came out excruciatingly slowly, so pictures are almost one dish by one dish,
and i'm really quite lazy to upload all of them here.
so i just uploaded my all-time favourite (at least one of the many favourites :) ) dish.

and then today was mummy's actual birthday celebration.
the cake was a free cake from dbs cos they are dbs treasures members.
it's really really small..but looks pretty ex too :)
and it's really chocolatey...i like :)
and of course, with the one candle only..mummy likes :)

i told mummy and daddy to take a photo with the 99 roses daddy gave her.
and they got the dogs to take picture with them :)
in my sis's words, this is a family portrait. haha, with the dogs representing the two of us..haha.
and that's me in the background trying to look at some OCBC electronics offer to decide whether they were worth it or not..so unglam..haiz.
but ignoring me in the background, this is really really a pretty photo :)

and every yr,
mummy's birthday is not complete without this bouquet of 99 roses that daddy will give her.
how romantic right!!! :)
amazingly, yest evening daddy just told us that he had forgotten to get the flowers,
but somehow they'd miraculously appeared today! haha.
he must really be damn good huh.
or he could haf been lying last night..muahaha.

kailiang's flowers

2008-09-07T15:34:00.005+08:00

I've been meaning to blog about this for a while alr..but have been procrastinating..haha, although it is true that i also have no other topics to blog about, which explains the dry spell here.
anyway, after much tribulations (including me forgetting to water the plants for many days in a row), the plant from kailiang's party has finally bloomed!!! (ok, it didn't really take so long to bloom, just that like i said, it took me a while to finally get this post up, but still, it was long enough, considering my forgetting to water the plants for long periods a while back caused the buds tt were abt to bloom to shrivel and die off)

anyway, the first flower that bloomed was an orange one.
and i was so happy it finally bloomed..shows how my effort has paid off!! :)
but then, it didn't occur to me then (when i saw the flower) to take picture of it,
and when i wanted to do so the next day,
the flower had alr started to wither off :(
now i finally understand the meaning of 昙花一现!!

then abt 2 weeks (?) later, the next flower from the next pot bloomed as well (i haf two pots haha) :)
and this time it was a white flower.
and i remembered to take a picture of it!! :) it's the one below!! :)
quite pretty right??
unfortunately it grew out of this "branch" that was so long away from its pot that the picture of the flower with the pot together is quite ugly and hence not posted here..

then today, to my pleasant surprise,
i looked out at my balcony and found that some more flowers have bloomed today (actually there were other flowers that have bloomed in the meantime..at least one more haha, but that was white colour as well and hence not worth mentioning)
but what was rare about today was that there was not only one flower which bloomed on its own, but two!! :)
and somemore one of the flowers is a pretty colour of pink mixed with white. :)
took like 4 photos of it but this is my favourite :)

it was indeed difficult to grow these flowers..what with having to remember to water them at once a day, or at most once every two days if i forget. (the main difficulty comes when i still go out aft sch and hence only reach home at 11 plus 12 when all i want to do is bathe then go to slp hahahaha)
and for a period in time after my first few buds that looked as though they were going to bloom died aft i forgot to water the plants for a few days, i almost wanted to give up on the flowers alr.
but thankfully i persevered and was definitely rewarded :) yay!!

but then in one of the pots, the soil looks like its thinning..wondering if i should move the flowers to greeneer pastures..so as to avoid overcrowding..hmm..can some expert give me some advice here?? hahaha.

on a randome sidenote, though also can be related to the theme of birthdays,
the above photo is that of one of the gifts my sis got for her birthday yesterday.
so cute right??
i also want -pouts- haha.
*note, not for my 21st birthday present though - in case*

oh yes, and this is the birthday cake (strawberry cheesecake) that we got my sis.
it's apparently one of the 50 top cakes in singapore and it really tastes not bad.
and then tonight we are going out for dinner to celebrate my mum's birthday..which is tml..
gg to my patho ca alr....

this is what i missed female team table tennis match against south korea for

2008-08-18T22:24:00.006+08:00

We had our first and so far, only big CG outing on Fri for sgh surg ppl.

Yi Hern's CG had their EOPT on Sat so they couldn't join us.
but yi hern still decided to join us,
not that he'd haf much of a prob passing the nxt day. haha.

this was lunch at waraku at central.
we couldn't get a large table, so we were split into two tables.
and cos of car issues etc, the other cg appeared late,
hence accounting for the cg-cg separation issue. haha.

subsequently, we went to settler's not far away,
and took up the student's package..
sth i haven't done in a while! (used to do it with goldilocks in year 1!)
and we played quelf, under the recommendation of audrey!

this was kaiping's card, in which he was supposed to put his arm ard ada (and vice versa, poor ada haha) for the entire round until it reached his turn again.
the scene was pretty gay, explaining the photo taken. haha.

and john's rule card was that he could only pick things up using the thumb and the pinkie.
check it out in the photo!! haha.
we were mean enough to make him try to carry our glasses with this rule in place for us. haha.
but he was smart enough to worm his way out.

audrey was supposed to put her thumb into her ears, her pinkie into her nose (i think) and the rest of the fingers pulling down the eyes and saying sth which i couldn't remember alr.
and she refused to pose properly with that pose,
and given that my camera has damn slow shutter speed, the photo became as such. haha.

yilin's action card was supposed to give each of the members a massage.
so the next series of photos will be yilin TRYING to massage ppl and their respective expressions :)
here's ada being damn easily tickled...as usual. hahaha.

and i think the rest were just shy.
kp :)

john

keefe

eileen

this was one of the last tricks that were pulled off.
yilin having to build a fotress and hiding in it. haha.

actually these pictures dun even half show how funny the game was for us!
i have several videos which are funnier, but i dunno whether i can/want to upload...
but anyway other things that we haf to do are like:
e'ching having to beat box, me having to act out a one-legged frog, john having to belly-dance while showing his stomach (oops, abs i mean and this is seriously one of the funniest!! :) ), amir having to act like santa claus, me having to ask permission from my feet before i speak, ada having to hiccup before he speaks, john having to talk like a charismatic preacher, keefe having to translate everything he says into another language (which was funny cos he really couldn't do it!) haha.
we laughed so hard and had so much fun that even the guy from settler's said that he has never met a group who had so much fun playing quelf! :)
and i guess we were quite lucky too la, cos we went in the aft where there wasn't so many ppl..
such that we dared to do all the crazy stuff :)
in fact, there were only two other groups of ppl there tt day,
and one of the other groups was our m5 seniors!!
can u imagine the shock we had when we saw them there??!!
they're so free ah..hahaha..what with MBBS coming up soon!! :S

so yeah, the settler's outing took place as the female table-tennis match vs south korea was taking place..
we only managed to catch the result and last scene when we were leaving and saw on a tv screen in the bar nxt door. :S

and these are the (half of the) ppl who made SGH surg so fun and memorable! :)
doubt med's going to be as much fun without them and with...ah-hem..hahaha.
thanks guys for the memories.
will always cherish them!
and thanks amir for being such a great hosp rep for us! u were fantastic! :)

carrot and prune cake

2008-08-04T00:33:00.003+08:00

one day this week when e' ching and i were on our way home,
we started talking about baking.
it all started with marche and their apple crumble,
then it went on to my apple crumble,
then it went on to more discussion about baking in general.

nope,
we weren't exchanging pointers on where to get the best recipes,
nor were we comparing which brand(s) of butter makes the best pastry.
we were just lamenting in general how we dun really find time (and in essence dun really haf the time) to bake even though we both liked baking.

and she mentioned that she has always wanted to bake a carrot cake.
and i told her that i made a carrot and prune cake once in RG and it was surprisingly good :)

so since i finished my EOPT yesterday,
and today's council bbq got cancelled last min (though kenneth called me even more last min to ask me whether i wanted to play mahjong)
and since i haven't started on any new tv serial that i needed to catch up with,
i decided to spend this afternoon baking (my family had decided yest that we wanted to go watch a movie this morn aft breakfast)
and i decided on the carrot and prune cake cos that discussion made me realise that this was one of the few stuff tt we made in RG that i never made again. haha.

and i must say i was quite glad that the cake turned out much better than i expected.
hee hee. :)

the finished product, fresh out of the oven! :)
the four prunes are for decoration, just that a bit weird to decor with only four prunes, but i scared if too many prunes on top later overkill. haha.

one-quarter slice of the whole cake.

the cream cheese icing on top was something that we didn't make in RG,
but it was found in the RG cookbook so i decided to try it.
the cream cheese icing is really so nice that i can eat it plain!
and i decided to slather some of the icing only on one slice first cos my dad doesn't like cheese,
and the effect looks pretty awesome in my opinion. :)

we fed this to our dogs and they just kept looking at us for more! :)
hee, so even my dogs appreciate my baking!! yay!!

end-of-posting test

2008-08-01T21:49:00.001+08:00

our first ever EOPT is tml!!!
wish me luck!!!
damn bloody freaked out right now :S

they turn 21..soon

2008-07-28T21:09:00.002+08:00

my dearest classmate for 4 whole years of sec sch held her 21st party on sat (her birthday's coming up, not here yet :) )
and boy, has she changed a lot since sec sch.
if anyone had told me then that she'd make the dress code of her 21st birthday party that of dresses, and haf a blog telling ppl of what she wants for her birthday, who's coming etc, AND WANTING AN EPILATOR (which i had no idea what it was prior to fri!!) for her 21st birthday,
i'd never haf believed it then.
but yup, all these did happen.
AND she actually SHAVED her LEG HAIR just cos she HAD TO WEAR A DRESS!!
ok too much info.
but point is, i'm shocked.
haha.

anyway, dear, u looked fabulous on Sat! :)
Hope u had a great time! (which i'm sure u did!)
And happy birthday once again.
and haf a great time in America k!!
-muaks-

and this other silly girl also had her party on Sat
none other than the goldilocks outing i/c (i gladly gave up this position for her haha)
And as usual, our OG always had lots of fun at this kind of board game places.
Most of them were happily sabotaging each other,
while i played calmer games with mostly non-og ppl.
happy birthday girl!
and may u always laugh as heartily as you did on Sat! <3

and cos of these two parties,
i had to go for stupid softball mtg with the japs in my makeup and dress..
felt totally overdressed!!! :S

ramblings of clinicals

2008-07-28T21:02:00.002+08:00

EOPT is this sat!!
stressed!!
dunno how to go about studying for it too!!
and we were only informed last fri about it..which sucks..
but had the weekend to get used to the fact and accept fate. haha.
i think the most important reason y i'm stressed would haf to be the fact tt i just got slammed by Ong H*S* (read from granny gan's blog to put a star so ppl can't google their names and reach my blog. muahahahaha) just last thurs, which isn't exactly a morale booster for this sat.
just that at least i had two other chance as compared to my peers to practise in a high-stress environment (it's 8 other students and a prof tt we dun really noe! is that stress or what!) so i guess that's the only good thing tt comes out of it all.

i think clinicals have made me seen things in a very objective point of view.
i tend to be able to see both the good and bad sides of things.
which prob led to my often-times quoted: plus minus. haha.

anyway, i was just listening to 933 xian ge when i heard the DJ say that prob one of the good ways to get rid of mon blues is to eat sth that we like to eat.
i think tt's prob true!
got my mr bean after so long and it's really great!
i almost dun even remember that today's mon at all!! haha.
just hope that the good mood can continue into the week.
a mental note to self: be more tolerant and less stubborn!! haha.

PHS

2008-07-21T23:55:00.002+08:00

wow!
i just spent the whole night (after coming back from frisbee at 8) doing PHS sponsorship stuff.
never thought there would be so much admin work to do!
omg.
and to think i still wanted to study to make up for my wasted weekend. :S
and now i'm so tired tt i just want to concuss and sleep!!

5th yr RG reunion

2008-07-20T14:33:00.005+08:00

i actually wanted to blog about this just after it ended,
but my comp met with some probs.
so it couldn't be done.
anyway this was from RG 5th yr reunion held on 5 july.
and i got the chance to meet a lot of ppl that i haven't met in a damn long time.
and of course the nostalgia of being back in the compound of our alma mater. :)

most, if not all of the 403 ppl who were there.
i haven't seen like whui, shona, debra, ren, anna, jias and shermaine in quite a while alr!! :)

and this was all the 206 ppl who were there.
similarly, i haven't met some of them, namely shiying, yee ling, krystle, amanda, joan and jia li for a long long time, even longer than the funkyfishes, essentially ever since we graduated from RGS cos 206 has never had a class gathering since we split up before. haha.

the 409 ppl whom i'm close to. :)
and we celebrated xiufang's birthday on the tues aft we met at the RG reunion. haha.

sarah yuen!!! i haven't talked to her ever since we graduated from RJ too!
and thankfully we still had never-ending stuff to talk about!
she actually came back from m'sia in the weekend just to make it for the reunion and i'm thankful for that if not i wouldn't have been able to see her!! :)

these two girls insisted on carrying me, so i had no choice but to oblige. haha.
and i must be getting fatter, cos karen used to be able to carry me with one arm, but not now anymore. haha.

there are more individual shots, but too time-consuming to upload, so i shall end here with the photos with fellow rafflesians.
the next few photos are all pictures of the compound that i missed so much and did not have a chance to take a photo of when i was still in sch :)

our beloved amphi.
we were so angry when we had to move morn assembly from here to the parade square.
here was so much cosier :(

the view from below the central spiral staircase.

ivy was the one who came up with the idea of taking a photo like this and i thought it was quite artistic so i took a shot like this too.
i haf another one that i took with flash, which is prob taken better, but i thought the lighting liddat was better. haha.

view of the field from our classroom. this was the route that i took every morning to get to my classroom from the bus-stop. :)

the view of the entrance to the canteen from my classroom.

the view of the canteen, though when we were schooling we prob never saw the canteen this empty. haha.

it's great to have seen quite a lot of ppl that i otherwise would not have seen if not for the reunion.
and it is truly amazing how it seems like we all haven't changed much despite having left RG for so many years, and despite all of us dressing so much more sophistically (goodbye to days of berms and t-shirts!! :) ), in heels, dresses and even makeup for some.

our class even had a discussion about how things will be like at the nxt 5 yr reunion - making it the 10 yr reunion.
and we were speculating things like significant other halves coming and stuff.
it's so exciting yet scary at the same time,
and i can't wait to see how much we would have changed/not changed in another 5 yrs' time.

to all the good times we spent in RG! cheers! :)

2008-07-15T22:08:00.002+08:00

wow it's been really a while since i've blogged.
i wanted to upload photos from rg reunion previously,
but realised my laptop prob got some spyware nonsense,
and so it was slowing down quite a bit.
so i decided to get it fixed first,
since i din really need my laptop tt desperately.
but i really miss my laptop,
the ease of which i can type,
the familiarity,
the sense of knowing that it IS MINE,
the fact that i can do anything and everything i want on it yada yada.

anyway, it's been so long since i blogged that i haven't even mentioned anything abt surgical posting,
and it's alr the 4th week into the posting alr.
basically it's not much to say la,
just a lot of the bitterness i felt in CSFC,
times many many times.
but i think a lot of it have to do with my mentality and outlook on things,
which i m taking my time to adjust.
which is y i dun talk to anyone about all these either,
cos no 1) i dun want to seem like i'm bitching,
and no 2) i really think it's my problem more than blaming it on anyone else.
prob only my sis knows most of how i feel about things lor.

in that vein,
i must say what damian said about liking clinicals and feeling like shit at night is all true.
and for me it's even worse cos i dun really read up,
and can't really relate all my reading/academic knowledge to bedside..
ie i will keep forgetting to ask stuff, not knowing how to correlate signs, not knowing what pertinent questions to ask..
and this gets me really demoralised.
i hope that it will be like what the seniors say,
that it will eventually come to you,
but it doesn't look like it's going to happen
and it's really worrisome,
not to mention demoralising.

yeah, demoralising's the word.
i think tt's the main reason y clinicals is so tiring. :S

on a separate note,
i am seriously considering making this blog a private one.
just so i can write more of how i feel in it,
just so i can feel better after writing in it and not worry about having others read into my innermost thoughts...
oh wells, just considering..

Kelong Trip Off Batam

2008-06-22T14:40:00.002+08:00

The trip turned out surprisingly fine,
though it started off with anything but fine. haha.

on the way to harbourfront mrt station,
i realised i forgot to bring my contact lens box and solution and specs,
but i decided that i should just buy it at harbourfront,
without realising that no optical shops open at freaky 8.30 in the morning! haha.

so yeah i reached harbourfront macs just nice on the dot at 8.30
(though i had thought that i would haf been late, which is y i din go back and get my specs though i remembered)
and uncle lincoln's (who's the owner of the kelong) wife whipped out all our boarding passes,

and lo and behold,
i realised that i had forgotten to bring my passport!
so thinking that since the ferry ride is at 9.30am,
i'd be able to make it back and forth within half and hour (by now it's 8.45am) and i'd still be in time,
i grabbed my hp and wallet and got into the taxi queue and rushed home to grab all the stuff i'd so carelessly forgotten,
then on the way back to harbourfront centre,
the taxi driver told me that the last time he went to batam in chinese new yr period he was made to board the ferry a good half and hour before the scheduled time of departure!
which was horrific news to me then!
and the slower-moving traffic than i was usu used to doesn't really help either.

but eventually i still managed to reach by 9.15am,
and we rushed to enter the gates,
which REFUSED to let us enter cos they said that the gate's closed!
so we BEGGED the ppl to let us in saying that we'll run,
and THANKFULLY, we managed to persuade them to let us do so!

so much for a whole morning of rush and freaking out!
thankfully the rest of the hols were spent lazing ard, relaxing and slacking,
stuff that we never get to experience in hectic singapore.
we spent the rest of the time there fishing (i was one of the best anglers there!! hee hee (: ), swimming, semi-snorkelling, hiking, reading by the sea and playing card games.
only the last one and a half hour in batam was spent shopping.

i brought my cam there,
but since we had yilin's cam, val's cam and ther's cam,
i was too lazy to whip mine out.
the only time i took pictures was when we witnessed sunrise on the last morning.
here are my two favourite pictures among the many pictures i spammed :)

and as typical singaporeans,
particularly singaporean youths,
we had to end our vacation rushing again.
haha.
cos yilin and i spent too long trying to spend the last bit of our money,
we were almost late for the ferry again.
haha.
so we had to rush to make it for the ferry again. eeks.

and overall,
i must say,
this is the holiday that i've been always dreaming of having -
one where i dun haf to rush for sightseeing everyday,
one where i dun haf to walk until my feet feels like dropping off (like in europe)
one where i can basically move to a tranquil surrounding and chillax.

holidays

2008-06-09T23:26:00.002+08:00

after all the disappointments and changes,
i still get to go overseas this hols.
:)

but it's a group of ppl that i will never forsee myself going overseas with.
so i'm kind of scared too.
oh well,
i guess it's a good chance to learn to get along with anyone and everyone lor.

and in any case,
it's going to be a chillax hol,
so hopefully,
all goes well.

and damn,
i just found out i haf a BLOODY surgery tutorial tml.
eeks.

cut off from the outside world

2008-06-03T23:21:00.003+08:00

woa, the past week has been real shagged.

since the last time i blogged, which was abt buying damian's present,

i haven't been home much.

that day when we bought damian's present,

i reached home at 11.30pm.

then the nxt day was au's birthday dinner,

which i reached home at 10.30pm...

and slept at 10.30pm cos i was so tired.

plus the nxt day was OSCE somemore,

so needless to say,

i prob did badly in it :S

then fri we went out with the og.

watched accuracy of death in the late afternoon,

then stayed for dinner,

after which we stayed and chatted until 12.30am!!!!!!

sick, but damn fun!

learnt damn a lot from the guys. hahaha.

then sat was damian's bdae party,

which we went early to help and ALMOST didn't get any thank you from..

kidding la!! :D

and we stayed till 11.30pm too.

one of the last groups to leave.

then sun,

unexpectedly,

but happily,

i got to go to angela chang's concert!!

woohoo!!

so that lasted till 12am,

inclusive of the one hour mrt ride home.

and mon morn,

i decided to go play bball with the councillors.

then lunch.

was supposed to go for prince caspian,

but we all couldn't make it cos the timing din fit everyone.

so yeah,

that was the last week in a nutshell.

tiring if u ask me.

but fun nonetheless!

hence,

today was a rare breather.

rare indeed considering how i'd be out the whole day tml,

plus having a meeting with SW CDC ppl on thurs too.

so i decided to shut myself out from the outside world by not going on msn,

nor charging my hp.

DAMN SHIOK

haha.

now i sound like some old recluse!

and today my mum posted me with something to consider.

she just went to a new latin teacher today.

and the teacher said that she has a class for uni students on sats.

on one hand,

i'm really interested to continue learning my latin.

after all, i can really feel the 6 months of learning before going to med sch slowing going to waste which is a pity since i liked it so much,

just that one of the reasons i stopped was cos i din haf a partner,

and if i joined this class,

the teacher promised to find me a partner.

but on the other hand,

i'm really apprehensive abt joining a dance cls without my parents,

cos i really dun haf any dancing background at all,

and my parents are so good,

i'm scared that the teacher also expects the same from me.

plus i'm apprehensive abt dancing in front of strangers..

gosh.

i'm so complicated.

can somebody tell me what i should do???

a fruitful day

2008-05-29T01:10:00.003+08:00

other than the fact that we shopped for like 4 plus hours for __________'s birthday present. haha. not like u dunno who u r, but who cares.
and we walked until our legs/backs hurt like hell,

and dory who wasn't even in heels was alr dying,

and she kept looking for seats for her to rest,

much less yin xia and i who were in heels.

and we were really amazed at how chong keat can take it.

cos when we rested,

he only sat for like 5 mins before he started moving ard again.

oh yeah,

forgot to say who went to shop for the presents.

initially at 5pm there was kailiang, edwin, xiuzhen, dory, yinxia, chongkeat and myself.

then yinxia, chongkeat and i wanted to siam early to go watch movie.

but ended up, at like 7 plus,

all had to siam except we who wanted to siam early, as well as dory!

and when it was that time, we haven't even finished buying the presents for the people that we needed to buy presents for!

so we had to forgo our movie plans.

and the shopping took wayyy longer than expected.

we walked from marina sq to esplanade then to raffles city (and walked the whole of raffles city, all three-four storeys mind you!)

and then back to marina sq again.

sick sick sick sick

anyway,

i said it was a fruitful day cos at the end of it all,

we all nuah-ed at carl's junior,

and spent a lot of time talking abt nonsense stuff,

like from teeth-brushing to getting drunk to how clinicals were so far and probs met in clinicals.

the clinicals part was exceptionally useful for me,

mentally,

as it showed me that i was not alone in all the unpleasantness i felt that came along with clinicals.

and it also showed me that there are many people who are in a worse condition than i'm in.

and it makes me feel better,

not because i'm sadistic and that i'm happy that there are ppl worse than me,

but rather that my probs aren't so bad aft all,

and that my probs are much more manageable,

and hence i should not be a wuss and make a fuss (with myself actually more than with anyone else) over what i'm experiencing.

it's been a really long time since i've had such heart-to-heart talk with anyone,

much less someone from medicine,

and i really appreciate having this opportunity to do so :)

scrub-in

2008-05-27T22:34:00.005+08:00

i really ought to learn to think before i open this big, fat mouth of mine.

think i've done it again today.

saying what i ought not have said.

hope i din hurt anyone in the process.

and i also really ought to learn not to let my emotions get the better of me.

i thought the first two years in med sch has alr taught me this.

but i guess going to clinicals has just proven that whatever i learnt in the first two yrs wasn't sufficient.

cos i think when i do,

i tend to retaliate and do things that i dun intend to and hurt people that way.

anyway, on a lighter note,

we finally had our scrub-in session today.

we took very long indeed,

and our hands felt raw, and unbelivably clean. haha.

three of us who scrubbed tgt.

yilin and i in full body - damn the gown's just too long man :x

the three who scrubbed first, hence they've changed out by the time this photo was taken.

anyway, here are the steps that we followed:

firstly, three rounds of washing hands. haha.

secondly dry hands which is not shown. then pick up gown in a way tt CJ has so delicately shown. haha.

and the gowning process is not shown, but here, gao's demonstrating the putting on of gloves. haha.

btw, none of them were willing models. haha. those were meant to be shots that were candid and taken to show the procedure :)

and the gown only has a sterile area from the nipple line to the umbilicus. hence, all their hands are propped up to prevent contamination.

CJ's action is like a grey's anat episode where the surgeons always put their hands liddat before they operate!! haha.

and next is a series of photos of trying to catch CJ doing obscene things to gao, none of which were successful..dang!

and then, a series of unglam photos of ada (haha):
this photo and the next were actually attempts to take a picture of the nice nurse who taught us scrub-in whom damian likes (i think haha), but obviously the first photo of her failed cos she was moving. and then i saw tt i captured ada in a weird hand position in the background.....

this was a clearer shot of the nurse - sister azizah who taught us scrub-in..but yet, i still got a full view of a now-even-weirder-hand-position ada in the background.

which spawned this photo - entirely to take a picture of the niang way he put his hands. haha. yilin tried to take some other weird pose he had, but failed cos i told him to move in when the nurse did the next demonstration.

my all-time favourite photo of the day! and the only act cute one. haha. it started with erin doing this to shermyn, and i really wanted the picture. so in order to convince her, i decided to do it with her. haha. so funny, yet so spastic.

cable car ride

2008-05-27T00:15:00.004+08:00

It is highly weird to blog abt the same thing as my sis,

and she had to beat me to it,

which is worse,

cos now it'd look like i copied her.

but i did not. i had planned to blog abt this on sun afternoon alr.

just that my dad din pass me his hp, where all these pictures are.

anyway, it's absurd how we ended up on this cable car ride.

we were just going for breakfast as we normally do on sun mornings,

at our favourite breakfast place for suns - vivo city food republic.

it was a sun like any other - with me complaining abt the insane inflation in prices of food!

then as i thought we were walking home,

my dad suddenly mentioned something abt cable cars,

and we started walking towards the cable car towers next to the HarbourFront Centre.

and before we knew it, we were up on the cable car,

having thrown like 60 bucks down the water/drain/hills just so that ALL 5 of us go on the scenic cable car ride, which basically takes us from the HarbourFront station to Mt Faber, to HabourFront station to Sentosa and back to HarbourFront station without us alighting.

my bro and i. i was actually pretty scared when the ride first started (which was also roughly when this picture was taken) but i tried to enjoy it more than being scared abt heights. and i must say it was quite an experience. haha.

the previous photo was mightily unglam with my hair all messy and so i decided to re-take the photo - with a twist this time. haha. so odd to see my bro act cute, given how cool and aloof he usu is :)

and my mum was really really freaked out. She din dare open her eyes a single time throughout the entire trip - that's 12 bucks flushed down the drain just like that.

mummy only dared to open her eyes when we were in the three stations - the Mt Faber one, the HarbourFront Centre one and the Sentosa one. If i'm not mistaken, this picture should be taken at the Mt Faber one.

actually there's one photo of all three of us,

but my sis can't find it,

ie i can't find it,

since i still haven't gotten hold of my dad's hp since we went for the ride yest.

and subsequently, here are the scenic pictures:

this is a panoroma picture - one that stitches three frames together. obviously scenaries are hard to stitch cos i could barely remember where i stopped the previous scene. and hence, the stitching's not perfect (unlike this other one that i had the first time i tried the panoroma) but it suffices :)

vivo city in the distance

i was obviously amazed/amused at the star cruise ship - i keep taking photos of it. haha.

facing the sentosa station from the cable car - u can see the merlion in the distance

an almost top-down shot of the IR building in progress.

see? more photos of star cruise :)

Keppel island in the dist, with another cable car in view.

keppel island - w/o vable car in view.

I KNOW there are more photos, but somehow they are not on my sis's blog. which means i dun haf the photos too cos i simply koped the photos from her blog.

Anyway, i was the main person who took all these photos, so all that moving ard in the cable car made me really really giddy. haha. which i y i din really feel so comfortable the entire trip either. haha.

dinner(s)

2008-05-19T10:16:00.006+08:00

ooh-hoo!!
realised this is my 200th post!!
can't believe my blog actually survived up to now!! haha.
but then again, i kind of cheated by having two entries today. haha.

anyway, dinner yest with family was one of the few tt we actually took photos.
then again,
we din go for dinner all ready to take photos,
just that as we were eating i saw many families and friends ard our table who whipped out their cameras and started taking photos.
and since we din intend to take photos, we had no camera to talk abt,
so i whipped out my phone and started taking some photos.

this was the stone rice thing that we ordered. Doesn't look that fantastic cos the waitress was all too eager to mix the ingredients with the rice such that all looks of the pretty serving was destroyed.

a picture of my mum. my mum and my dad refused to take pictures together. i have no idea y. prob just that my dad refused to take pictures. cos i dun haf any photo of him last night. haha. and this is the other reason y i decided to whip out my camera last night. it's in prep for my HOPEFUL mother's day present nxt yr. haha.

my sis and i. after we took this picture, the family had a discussion of who's prettier. well, not much of a discussion anyway since both my parents, without any hesitation, 异口同声 in replying that it's my sis who's prettier. HMRPH. haha. so much for being stupider, and now uglier. haha.

oh yes, we had another discussion as to who looks older, this question stemming from the fact that my sis's friends often say that i look younger than her. yay. one pt for me, but two for my sis. haha.

and this picture, is totally unrelated to last night. it was taken last sun in fact, just tt i had nowhere to put it before this.

anyway, this was a picture taken along telok blangah flyover last sun. eh, actually i was on my way home for mother's day dinner from a musical with wooch, ze jia and joanna, and i was alone. but along ECP/AYE, i already noticed the DAMN BEAUTIFUL SUNSET, just tt along the expressway i couldn't take any pictures (not like along the flyover i could, just that there weren't as much cars as along the expressway so yes, i took the picture while i was driving which is highly dangerous and should never be found out by my parents lest i kena killed/grounded from driving)

but yeah, essentially this was the most beautiful sunset i've ever seen (prob due to the high ground and lack of buildings covering it as is NOT EVIDENT in the picture), so i really wanted to take pictures to show my sis. but since i was driving and taking the photos, the photos din really turn out nice (the photos just dun do justice to the beautiful sunset i witnessed la but no choice, this picture is already one of the nicest of the 4 photos that i took :S)

i'm so jealous

2008-05-19T09:59:00.004+08:00

Ok, this blog entry is kind of late,

but i'm so jealous of woochiao!!!

cos i wanna go on air as well!!!

i remember one of the MANY ambitions i had as a little kid was to be a DJ too.

that was the period that i started listening to radios,

and enjoyed the company of DJs such as feng hui shi, danny yeo and wu xu ma li.

unfortunately i dun really haf any favourite english DJs though i still listened to english radio

stations at times last time.

and yeah, wooch had a chance to go on air with yann yann last sat.

the point is not who he went with,

but that he went on air!!!

haha.

at least he got invited back,

so hopefully he'll be able to go often enough for him to start requesting whether he can bring in more of his friends

and he'd BETTER ASK ME TO GO WITH HIM!!

randomness

2008-05-15T22:22:00.003+08:00

Today i went to SGH for more "lessons" by zhengjie,

and i met damn a lot of ppl from our batch ard.

that's when i realised how much i missed seeing everyone in sch everyday.

Anyway, kena horribly thrashed in puzzle fighter.

so i'm going to DOWNLOAD it all over again and play until i'm damn qiang!

hahaha.

sian..

now i dun even noe whether the jap trip will come true or not.

need to find one more girl,

cos i'm the only girl in the trip

and my parents won't allow me to go liddat.

and since now so late alr,

everyone has more or less made plans for the hols alr.

so it's DAMN BLOODY DIFFICULT to find someone to go with.

so anyone who reads this who's interested to go japan in june with me, woochiao, damian and david pls drop me a msg k!!!! DESPERATE!!!

雨过天晴

2008-05-14T21:17:00.003+08:00

this has always been one of my favourite chinese saying.

for the mere fact tt it makes so much sense in such a short phrase.

and it totally describes my feelings now.

prob having gone out yest (to celeb erin's bdae) helped quite a bit.

was in a significantly better mood today (though i was also much more tired haha)

had hernia tutorial today.

with the scary tutor who taught us abdo exam in lect.

and he was still as scary as ever.

the thing i learnt from surgery tuts is,

NEVER take wat the tutor says as a personal insult.

not tt i din noe this previously,

but rather, i've come to appreciate the real meaning behind saying this today.

haha.

i mean, he was indeed crude when pointing out our errors and ignorance i may say.

and when we were in it (when being corrected/skewed alive)

we prob really felt like shit,

and like he was putting us down (whether we felt it was in general to all of us, or to individual, it doesn't really matter haha)

but retrospectively,

it's prob just inherent, just his personality.

or just the fact that his work caused him to be so no-nonsense, so chop chop kind of person.

and ironically,

in medicine,

we are all prob such type A personality kind of ppl.

yet we can't stand it when such attitudes are thrust upon ourselves.

haha.

on a side note,

i cooked dinner with sis today.

was a disaster. BLEH

my sis was worse,

she actually forgot to turn the flame smaller before frying the fish.

in the end the fish was chao da on the outside,

but not so cooked on the inside.

haha.

and the chicken i cooked ended up being only JUST COOKED.

and i had to cook the gravy twice cos i caused the curry powder to be chao da the first time.

haha.

and even then, my second gravy i added too much water, plus i misinterpretd what my sis meant for the seasoning and hence i used less seasoning than what was required.

haha.

well, guess it's time i need to train up a strong stomach alr. haha.

不如意的一天

2008-05-12T20:25:00.002+08:00

喜怒哀乐是人之常情，
只可惜人在江湖，身不由己。
所谓的江湖，就是在医院里。

人生的喜怒哀乐，
在面对病人时，
都得刻意隐藏自己正在经历的喜怒哀乐。

或许这是我在医院里所最难跨越的阻碍吧！
而不久前的我还单纯的以为，
我最大的障碍是不能将一切跟医科有关的知识都吸取了。

我知道我是不应该把一切不愉快都锁入我心头，
应为这样子我只会在压力急速增加的情况下爆炸。
而我本身是很讨厌自己爆炸的丑态！

但我真是不会学会敞开自己的心扉。
谁愿意听我哭诉呢？
谁又愿意听我丑陋的内心世界?
谁又愿意在听了我丑陋的内心世界后继续视我为可敬的好友呢？

或许更贴切的问题应该是：
我又愿意向谁透漏我这丑陋的内心世界呢？

sian

2008-05-11T13:58:00.001+08:00

i am pissed off with my mp3 player.
period.

anyone using creative can tell me how i can get the stupid organizer to show chinese words instead of ????
i'll be eternally grateful to u. :)

and stupid kailiang. can u pls give better comments?? like for eg how to write vivo city in chinese?? haha

freaky

2008-05-11T08:47:00.006+08:00

for the last couple of months, my sis and i will sleep with our parents on sat night.
well, it's a long story as to why,
and i prob will never write abt that.
but last night, just when we were all ready to go to sleep,
my sis came out of my mum's room to tell me that we was watching ghost story,
and that she's scared (well, my sis doesn't like horror movies unlike my mum and myself muahaha)

so being the horror movie addict that i m (much to the horror of my sis haha), i sat myself beside my mum to watch with her.

and it turned out to be no horror movie at all.

the movie's called 《怪物》and it's about how a mother's love for her child, and a wife's love for her husband turned her into a freak monster. And basically this woman who's both a wife and a mother, got deranged after her beloved husband and child died (i din see how her husband died cos i caught the show halfway) but her son died when some zinc roof fell onto him while he was trying to find food when she looked sick and weak.

And her level of derangement was quite bad la. like when her husband died (he died first which is y i din get to see how he died), she still prepared food for three people, and served rice and dishes in a bowl in front of an empty seat. When her child died, it was worse cos she prepared three people's cutlery, and there was no food, yet there were bowls and stuff and she went through the whole motion of scooping rice and taking vegetables for her husband and son.

SO SO SO VERY FREAKY.

anyway, apparently all these were recollections of the story from the police. the main part of the story was abt how this crazy woman took 舒淇's son as her own and how 舒淇 tried to get him back.

and the moviemakers purposely made the parallel between the two woman exceptionally striking. like how in the process of trying to get her son back, 舒淇 was beginning to behave as crazily as the crazy woman.

and yet another freaky part of the show was that 舒淇's son actually went on to recognize the crazy woman as his own mother rather than 舒淇 herself. it was almost like he was possessed by the original kid or sth. FREAKY.

the story did explain that the crazy woman turned deranged cos she refused to accept reality.

but at the same time, the story repeatedly showed how fierce a mother's love can get, and how a mother, can at all costs, even to her own life and danger, go protect her own children.

essentially, it's how a mother's love turned her into a monster!

what an apt show to show for mother's day huh. haha.

anyway, just before i fell asleep, i thought abt mother's love as the movie tried to portray.

and somehow, i dunno how, though it's the norm for me, my mind wondered pretty far off from the main issue.

i started thinking abt death.

pretty morbid topic but i was really freaked out by my thoughts.

and the last time i had the same thoughts abt death was when i was 14.

basically it was abt how i myself will pass from being in an alive state into being in a dead state.

will i wake up and find that i can see my body (like it is so frequently portrayed in movies) and that my spirit which i will haf recollection of my alive being will be able to go find all my deceased friends and family members and continue life in a different place?

or will i just assume an eternal dream-sleep state where essentially i'll never get to see anyone else ever again, not even my deceased friends and family? in this case, it is quite freaky right? cos it will just be me myself and i which i have always hated and am damn scared of.

and if it's the former, and based on chinese myth, there's re-incarnation. so if we do go through re-incarnation, we are not supposed to remember what happened in our previous life right? so what will happen to my soul for this life? i cannot imagine not being able to remember who i m and what i did in this life! it's so freaky if u think abt it.

all these questions abt death visited me for the first time when i was 14, and i was freaked out then, but i brushed them aside (took me quite a while to get over the questions!) i believe that was the first time i got into contact with death - the death of my grandmother, which made me start thinking abt these questions.

but this time it's totally random, and it freaks me out when i think abt y i suddenly thought abt these things again. is it an omen? is sth bad going to happen?

that's y it took me a damn long time (at least as compared to normal hahaha. i think i took 10 mins yest, normally is less than 1 min haha) to fall asleep.

i was damn afraid that i'll never wake up from my sleep ever again.

it's that time of the year again

2008-05-10T15:10:00.005+08:00

一年又这么过去了。
转眼间，又到了母亲节这时刻。
今早睡醒时才愕然发现我还没准备任何礼物，所以拉了妹妹到宜丰城（是这样写的吗？哈哈）购物去了。我们俩整整走了两个小时，并且买了许多不相关却很想买的事物。哈哈。看来女孩子购物时的确都是这样的。
我们逛了很久都不知道应该买些什么，结果买了一套水晶耳环和项链。现在，礼物已经包好了，遗憾的是又忘了拍照了。所以等送给了妈妈以后，我就会拍一张照放在这儿。

突然间回想起小时候，在母亲节来临之前，若我问妈妈她希望得到什么礼物的时候，她总是说她什么都不要，只要我们的考试成绩理想（实事上是比理想还要好啦！我妈妈的期望时非常的高！）当时的我就真的相信她的话，什么都不送！哈哈。不过，现在回想起来，女孩子都是喜欢收到礼物的。当时的她应该是很希望我们还是会送些什么礼物吧！哈哈。

不过，礼物买来买去就只能买那几样，好没有新鲜感唷！因此，我常常会为买礼物而感到好烦好不知所措呀！再不然就是有好点子可却力不从心。不过还好，总算又买好了多一年的礼物了！:)

刚刚读了cherie的旅游部落格。听起来她应该是蛮开心的。我也替她高兴。但她说她回复了几封电邮，可我却没收到 :( 或许还没轮到我把！而她也在部落格里提起了自己很想念新加坡的几位好友，希望自己也在这些好友以内！:)

well, looks like the jap trip is becoming more and more of a reality soon!!! 楽しみにします! there's lots of preparation to be done with regards to where to go and stuff but it's fun nonetheless and i get to learn more things abt japan, like the geography which i've always been bad at. i seriously can't wait to go! :)

edit: wow! that resizing of font and width of post took me quite a while to figure out. but i'm so proud of myself for figuring it out! :) hee.

in the spur of stupidity

2008-05-06T23:02:00.005+08:00

This is highly freaky..was reading damian's blog then i decided to try the same thing also..had no intention to post it here, but the first two questions were freaking me out i decided to post it then continue playing :S read on to noe what i mean..

How to Play
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. No cheating.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.
5. Tag 5 people.

How are you feeling today?
遗忘过去 - jun yang
it's quite freaky considering that's how i've felt for the past few days..not say felt but been feeling that i ought to do la. haha.

Will you get far in life?
To the Moon and Back - Savage Garden
and of course i've always thought i wanted to get far in life..so this is still quite freaky.

How do your friends see you?
Any Other World - Mika
erm..i dun really noe what to make of this..maybe tt i belong to another world from them?? which is hmm...weird..

Will you get married?
开不了口 - 周杰伦
yet another apt ans!!! haha..i will never open my mouth to ask so i guess whether i get married or not depends on the guy..but i sure hope i do!! haha..

What is your best friend’s theme song?
Blue Moon - Mel Torme
Hmm..dun really noe what to make of this ans too. prob tt my best friend's a rare jem?? or that i get a best friend once every blue moon?? or MAYBE THAT MY BEST FRIEND WEARS A SKIRT ONCE IN A BLUE MOON!!! haha.

What is the story of your life?
God Only Knows - The Beach Boys
OMG..it is getting really really freaky but yeah..god only knows what the story of my life is..hahaha..and incidentally this is from love actually and i pretty much value love (be it kinship, friendship, romance love quite a bit hee)

What was high school like?
第一天 - 孙燕姿
this random thing never fails to amaze me over and over again. haha. of course it's like 第一天！from behaving so tomboyishly in RG, with all the shorts under skirts, berms and t-shirt when going out, changing in classrooms openly even though there are male teachers ard to having to behave demurely (at least we try though not much hahahahaha) ard guys. really like the first day of like kindergarten where we haf to learn to co-exist with other ppl..just tt this time it's with boys! hahaha.

What’s in store for this weekend?
Don't Know Why - Nora Jones
hmm..don't know why i have nothing on?? don't know why i decided to go watch the musical after all?? don't know why i'm doing this now?? hahaha.

How’s your life going?
What is This Feeling - Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel
haha, this is quite funny and apt too. prob cos there's a mixture of fear and excitement at having started clinicals..as well as other aspects of my life tt i ought to sort out..so..hmm...what is this feeling?? heh.

How can you get ahead in life?
勾勾手 - 郭美美
prob telling me to keep my promises??? haha. no idea.

What’s the best thing about your friends?
Masquerade, why so silent - from phantom of the opera
EH...i've never even heard this song before!!! i got the music from wooch but haven't really spent time listening to it..cos i was listening to the other musical songs i got from him tt i know of the musical first..hmm...really dunno what to make of it leh..maybe tt they enjoy the same things as i do..like musicals?? hahaha. DUNNO.

What song will they play at your funeral?
爱的主打歌 - 萧雅轩
ok..too hip a song to play at a funeral i guess. haha.

How does the world see you?
唯一 - derrick from project superstar
that's good i suppose. haha. one of a kind. i guess i haf to be to be the only one in the entire m2 batch and the first person since they started doing mask fit from SARS period to be a "no-fit" oh wells. as u can see, i'm still sore abt tt. haha. though damian would say tt it's good to be unique.

Will you have a happy life?
蓝眼睛 - 张韶涵 & 苏打绿
“作一场冒险的表演
走过千秋万岁寂寞的云烟
下雨天没有地点可以搁浅
努力远走高飞失眠的海面
地平线彩虹消失在一瞬间”
the first one tt i'm using the lyrics cos if not it totally doesn't make sense no matter how crappy i get. haha. though i guess in this case i'd prefer not to use the lyrics cos the lyrics seem to suggest tt i'm not going to haf a happy life..sigh.

Do people secretly lust after you?
nothing's gonna stop me - utada hikaru
haha. guess this means yes is it??

How can you make yourself happy?
I.O.I.O - S.H.E
well, i guess this song's apt cos it has lines in the verses that mentions how the person will make her friend happy whenever they are down haha.

What should you do with your life?
他和她的故事 - 萧雅轩
this doesn't really make sense to me..what does my life do with him and her?? hahaha.

Will you ever have children?
恋爱達人 - 小猪 & 小S
hmm..guess tt means yes..though a bit ambiguous..hahaha.

What song would you strip to?
Run And Tell That - Hairspray soundtrack
hmm..i dun really think i'll strip to any songs but if there were any song i'd do so..it's prob songs from the hairspray soundtrack lor. (though i dun really think this is the best song to do so to in hairspray haha)

What does your mum think of you?
fifth symphony - beethovan
this is quite funny cos this song is actually the DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM we hear in movies when something scary or like bad is going to happen..maybe this means tt i'm bad news to my mum..hahahaha..

What is your deep, dark secret?
蝴蝶 - 陶喆
hmm..this doesn't really make sense to me..maybe i was a butterfly in my previous life?? haha..maybe something in the lyrics..but i'm too lazy to go find out la..haha..

What is your mortal enemy’s theme song?
RJ SCHOOL SONG!!!
self-explanatory!!! hahaah. actually i wanted to say tt i din haf a mortal enemy..then when the song started to play..it all made sense..FREAKY ISN'T IT!!! haha

What’s your personality like?
星光依旧灿烂 - 小虎队
hopefully. hahaha. :)

What song will be played at your wedding?
Always You And I - 98 Degrees
hmm..title sounds apt..but dunno abt lyrics..and knowing me i prob won't care..haha..at least for now..but if i were to choose the song for my wedding, i'd DEFINITELY look at the lyrics..cos judging from damian's song i would not haf chosen the song alr..but the lyrics are actually fine..then again, listening on off on off to the lyrics..i think this song is actually quite apt la. haha.

of course you can tell from my ans tt i dun bother looking at lyrics unlike damian. hahaha. it's all taken at surface value from the title of the song..muahahaha..

PHEW!! i'm finally done with it..woa..can't imagine the amt of effort damian would haf to spend to do this..putting the lyrics and stuff..but yup, was indeed fun while it lasted..and shocked over and over again..

disclaimer: i haf so many chinese songs cos i get the chinese songs from various sources (friends and sister's friends) who at one time will pass me like damn a lot of songs..whereas for english songs i mainly get them myself via d*******..so it's one song each time..so if i compare d with d, i actually haf the same no of songs for both eng and chinese one..hahaha..

clinicals have started

2008-05-04T12:18:00.006+08:00

我的部落格可说是呆滞不前了许久！

我们在医院的实习可总算开始了。

我可说是带着既兴奋又犹豫胆怯的心情去迎接这新鲜的变化。

而这一转眼，三个星期就这么飞逝了。

光阴似箭，日月如梭呀！

这三个星期以来，是我这两年以来最累的三个星期呀！

周日时，可是天天都是朝九晚五的呀！

何止，以往，我都能在讲义与讲义之间小睡一会儿来养足精神迎接下一个讲义。

可现在却不一样了。

一旦新的一天一开始，我就得做好心理及生理准备来迎接一整天的煎熬。

所以一天的体力可全都花在学校已及医院里。

回到家里都已感到精疲力竭，根本提不起经儿去做任何事。

更糟糕的是，我的家庭帮佣却也在这个时候回去菲律宾了。

因此，不论我再疲倦也好，我也得把我份内的家务做好。

虽然我做的家务并不多，但以我已心力交竭的情况而言，我是除了家务之外，就没有剩余俄的力气去做任何其它事情。就因为这样，我在读书方面都落后别人许多。而也因为这样，我在这几个星期都倍感压力。

好可怕的恶性循环呀！

我也在这个星期领悟了另一个道理。

在这实习的期间，如果身体不适，可真是好不辛苦啊！

我在这个星期得了重感冒，大概是从怀钰那儿传染的吧！

我感到很不舒服，可却又不想缺课，可又害怕会传染给病人，真是好不矛盾啊！

这次我可真是高估了我的免疫系统！

以往，我一定不会在这种情况下（和生病的朋友分享食物）被传染到的，但这次却偏偏被传染到了。

或许经常出入医院的确有关系吧！

经常与细菌并存，免疫系统应该也会累坏吧！哈哈！

所以，我必须经一事，长一智，从此不应该和生病的朋友分享食物哦！

fed up

2008-03-27T23:00:00.002+08:00

omg..i tried to blog in chinese..

but i got stuck at the third word i was going to type in..

nope, it's not tt i'm bad/deproving in chinese.

just tt i dun really haf the time/energy/effort to spend to think and blog in chinese..

guess english's still more natural to me after all.

and tt's really ironical considering my background..

oh wells, tt's not the pt of my urge to blog today!!

hahaha.

i really can't understand how i can love one thing and hate the same thing at the same time..

i really love what i'm studying, no joke.

i mean if i were to compare studying med stuff vs like...law stuff..

thank you very much, i'll still take med ANYTIME!! haha.

or worse still, geog/hist/lit..

not tt i dun like these three..just tt i'm not very good at them..hahaha..

but i really HATE having to memorise all these things..

and this yr's stuff is worse than ever before..

cos it's really PURE HARD CORE memory..

like for each bact i need to noe wat causes it to be so virulent, how it causes disease, what disease it causes, how to diagnose it, how to treat it then how to prevent it.

it may seem easy..

but multiply tt by like 50 bacteria (just an est i think all my med friends will beg to differ that there's much more than that) and like 50 viruses..

and not to mention somemore parasites and fungi (though these are smaller)

it's really by the time u get to the third one u'll forget the first one..

and it's the first time in my life i actually feel that i dun want the time to study at all, even though i cannot finish studying.

the last time i felt like i din want tt much time to study was for A levels,

but tt's cos i alr studied more than enough..

this time i dun even think i can finish the first round of studying..

and yet i really wish time will pass faster so that my "suffering" will end.

i think ultimately i'm just wayy too burnt out from all the tests this year.

i haven't even been studying all tt hard for this pros lor..

i only started studying REAL hard this week..

and i'm alr dying..

and not looking forward to the next day of damn xiong studying..

gulps..

wonder how the "regulars" of the lib do it man.. :s

i wanna go japan too!

2008-03-21T22:29:00.002+08:00

デニスさんは今もう日本にいます！実は、先週の木曜日もう着いた、でも私はブローグしなかっただけ。時間があまりないから、今日もあいつのブローグへ見に行った。いろんな日本について事も、人も見えるから、とても羨ましいね！ほんとにもう一度日本へ行きたいね！でも、いつか時間があるかながわからないね！

i seriously ought to be studying.

but i haf so many things bottled up inside me.

and no one to tell them to.

i am suffering in hell right now.

crap.

so glad i'm out of it all

2008-03-16T12:55:00.002+08:00

thanks to hide who pointed it out to me..there was a very very interesting ST report of the current varsity squeeze under the special section of yest's papers.

i mean i've hardly followed the news ever since i entered uni, and almost all the news tt i noe of are supplied to me by my friends or are the current big-hit news.

so i'm glad tt hide brought my attention to this special report,

and even more glad that I actually HAF the sat's ST at home. haha.

wat i read totally freaked me out.

the competition tt the youths are facing now (and tt i was obviously facing two years ago just tt i was still living in my own rosy world and not thinking so much abt it..hahaha), the level of maturity they haf with respect to their future prospects and uni spot.

but wat was the most disgusting was that they are actually doing stuff mainly to boost their chances of getting a place at their desired uni spot.

but ultimately this still comes at a shock cos the other day when we were at wooch's house, we were still discussing abt the IP students and how they have, well, degenerated. haha.

but from this article, it still seems as though the students are very socially aware and still very well, concerned abt their work and uni prospects.

and all these coming from the batch of students who weren't bothered with an F in their common tests in RJ and still continuing to play computer games before their nxt common test without intending to pull up their socks.

i just ultimately, the mentality and the maturity of the students wouldn't have changed even if the lack of O levels have screwed up their willpower to study hard in the RJ life. hahaha.

Actually when reading the article, i was wowed by the desperateness (in my opinion) of the students to boost their profile - all the things abt having to boost up their CCA profiles, paying ppl to write their university admissions essay and doing comm service just cos others are doing it and they haf to do so if not they'll "lose out"

but if i really recall hard enough, i think all these were alr apparent in my time.

just tt i guess there wasn't much attention on the issue and tt all of us weren't so outspoken abt our worries and wat we do to alleviate our worries. haha.

i think those who really would haf a headache would be the university admissions personnel.

how do u tell whether a student is genuinely interested or doing it just to boost his/her profile?

how do u justify that one thing that a student does is more outstanding/valuable than another thing that another student does?

and most importantly, i think they must really be appalled and agasted as i m at the extent of things the students will do just to secure a place in their dream schools/courses.

of course i can't get all tt appalled since i'm a victim in this circumstance as well, so i can't imagine the shock that the adults will feel towards this trend. haha.

oh wells, i guess all i haf to say is,

i'm really glad that i'm out of it all - all these applications for uni and all that.

and as the current batch has so aptly described it..

it is HELL.

最初の日本語のポスート

2008-03-12T17:38:00.004+08:00

日本語が久しぶりね！この間はあまり日本語でコンプータを使われないよ。日本語のイン．プートがないから。：）今日、初めにdjmaxがドウンロードをしたいから、日本語のイン．プートをインストールしたが、やっとdjmaxはあまり知られないね。

先週の金曜日、私たちのCAが終わったから、少し休む事はできます。今日までなんでも勉強しませんでした！でも、もうすぐもう一度勉強が始めなくてはいけない。残念ですね！でも、この間はとてもうれしいです！札幌のみんなは出会ったから。一年も見なかったね！それで、ゲーイプッボも見に行ったね！でも、何か面白い人は会いなかったから、少し憮然ですね！ハーハー。

omg..it's been so long since i've written anything in jap, much less on the computer..but tt was fun! haha. though slow as well!! and i bet there were damn a lot of grammatical errors inside :( :( oh wells. one of my after exams aims (note it's aft exams and not aft CAs) is to go and revise my jap again!! hahaha. and this urge to revise my jap came from the fact tt xiaowei told me tt she's taking level 3 jap in nus FASS after a 5-year hiatus whereas all her friends who took jap in nus when they first got into uni were taking level 6!! so it set me into thinking tt say in my yr 4 i decide to go take jap in nus, i think i may be in an even worse shape than xiaowei. hahaha. so i'd better buck up..muahahaha.

wicked

2008-02-28T13:54:00.006+08:00

OMG, i just spent half an hour to one hour searching for videos of wicked. all because i went to check fb and saw wooch's link for japan's wicked and decided to check it out. then from japan's wicked, it led me to broadway's wicked to me wanting to find more videos of kerry ellis (since she was the elphaba i saw)

and i came across this video i really liked. it's weird, i've been looking at wicked videos for so long, though i must admit tt i haven't been the most consistent/conscientious video searcher ever. haha. but despite my long-term search for videos i haven't seen this video before. and this is the first (or maybe the second after damian's video of kristen chenoweth's last performance) tt i actually watched until i cried. :S ok, cried's a bit exaggerated, just teared, moved and touched. :) maybe it's cos this is one of the rare few videos tt u can actually see them so close upfront and you can actually see the feelings they have towards each other flowing without any inhibition :)

anyway, i was trying to come up with an excuse y i spend so long looking for wicked videos and the only reason i can come up with is that everytime i look at wicked videos, i see lots of comments abt whether indina menzel or kerry ellis is better as elphaba. initially i was very for kerry ellis's better cos i saw her live and she's really really amazing! then the more i saw videos of indina, esp when she's with kristen, the more i think there is no basis for comparison between the two. firstly, the two of their voices are quite different. And secondly, also the reason y i think many ppl prefer indina, is cos the co-operation with glinda is better. and this mainly has to do with the fact tt i think no one's a better glinda than kristen. i think she's particularly good in this video:

anyway, i though the best way to compare between the two will be to view two videos of them side by side (one aft another haha), which is y i was trying very hard to find the videos..but it's so easy to find videos of indina singing but there's almost no videos of kerry (only managed to find audios of which many of the quality is not so good :s). maybe i din look hard/long enough but i've alr spent one hour. haha. so not good to spend more time looking. :S hopefully one day i can find and i'll post then can listen more properly. :) ok actually to be fair, i did find a video of kerry singing the wizard and i but it wasn't even in the context of the musical. it was some outdoor event thing..so not v easy to compare la. haha.

oh yeah, besides searching for the videos, i've been listening to avenue q and wicked ost while studying this period. and the more i listen to the ost (wicked i mean), the more i realise tt the show's not as shallow as wat i saw it to be when i first watched it in london. there're a hell lot of irony and i dunno wat not..and so far i can only detect two:
1) elphaba sang this sentence "there'll be a celebration throughout Oz, that's al to do with me" in "the wizard and i" and in the end there was a celebration that the wicked witch was "dead"
2) elphaba also sang this sentence "when people see me they will scream" in "the wizard and i" again. when she sang this she meant it as for ppl to "(hold) her in high esteem" but in the end, ppl screamed when they saw her cos she was supposed to be the "wicked" witch who'd shed her skin like a snake, among all other horrible and ridiculous things ppl thought she could do tt i couldn't remember alr. haha.
hopefully as i listen more to the soundtrack, i'll be able to find out more abt the meaning of the show, to understand it more in depth. haha. :) and for now, it's back to studying, hopefully.

randomness

2008-02-26T23:03:00.003+08:00

this is a rare one from me.
a double post. haha.
but i thought these two posts shouldn't go together which is y i ended up with a double post.

anyway, the previous post was something which has been bugging me for like...
say a year?? heh.
it actually took me sooooo long to pen it down.
and i dun even think that the post has even caught the crux of wat i'm feeling and wanted to say :S
so much for trying to write more poetically and subtly.
i feel like elaborating more on the entry,
and i feel that i SHOULD do that,
but i KNOW i cannot do that.
haha. knowing me, i'd just say things tt i'm not supposed to say. hahaha.
and i decided to pen it down today and not previously cos these feelings just got reinforced recently,
and i feel that i JUST had to write it down to get it out of my systems..
JUST SO THAT I CAN STUDY.
grr.

and, out of the randomness of starting another entry..
i shall write the most random comment ever:
tml's the start of the dreaded CAs!! hahaha.

and another random comment:
i can't believe after not going to sch for two weeks,
and just going back to sch for two days,
i get to see the two most unexpected ppl tt i'll see in sch.
firstly it was damian yest,
then today it was david.
hahaha.

and a last random comment:
going to sch to study these two days are the BEST decision i've made for this studying spree (yes, i call it spree cos it just comes one after another like shopping sprees, though of course we are supposed to enjoy sprees but guess we can't say the same abt mugging sprees huh? :))
cos i've accomplished 10000000000000x wat i can accomplish by studying at home.
so two days of good and fruitful studying is better than none. :S

Changes

2008-02-26T22:37:00.002+08:00

Slowly, but surely, i've been noticing various changes in the people that i've known in my life.
some changes are good, though these often go unnoticed. i must admit that i myself have not noticed/classified many changes under this category
Other changes I'm indifferent to. Like how some people like/behave/or their attitudes towards looks have changed. and i find that these changes are acceptable/at least i m not bothered by them. that being said, these changes still come as a surprise to me.
Yet, other changes are bad, again, in terms of attitude and behaviour. And i must justify, it may not necessarily be that the changes caused the person to take a change for the worse, just that i'm having a bad time adjusting to them.

maybe, just maybe, after all, it is not that these ppl have changed.
maybe it is I who have changed after all.
and that the new me see these people in a different light that i've never seen them in before.

or maybe, it's just tt these ppl have grown up and i haven't.
i dunno. all i noe is that i HATE changes.

mugging

2008-02-24T21:34:00.002+08:00

wow!! i guess it's time to start blogging again!! though obviously at this time i would be better off doing stuff i need to do *ahem* study :S
but seriously, this time is the time i'm the most undisciplined of all the tests thrust upon us this year!!
and i thought the last CA for patho i was bad enough.
and the worst part was i kept making up excuses for it!!! sigh. like having headaches (throughout this entire week :( ), having gastric (on the day tt i went out and had hokkien food with my parents and grandma, and tt day i had to chauffer my grandma to and fro, but i won't complain cos i hardly spend time with her and i should)
and now CAs start in three days and i'm a far cry from finishing everything the first time!!
and not to mention tt the first time won't be sufficient for me to remember everything tt i need to.

i just hope tt the goodwill i had (sort of) accumulated over cny by helping my mum out (she kept insisting it was the first time i'd help her though i vaguely remember helping her before too :S), by spending time with my grandma whom otherwise i hardly speak to/even see can help win me some good karma necessary for me to prob even pass these few tests :S

anyway here are ten reasons y i HATE tests:
1) they give me headaches - and i get nasty headaches which i hate!
2) they give me bad complexion - and just when i thought my complexion was getting better URGH!
3) it esp sucks when the tests are near good movies!!! i'm currently hooked onto this hong kong drama called "Dicey Business" grrr..which partially explains my dismal studying.
4) it sucks even more when ur stupid sister chooses to take this time to dl dj mix that i've been wanting to play ever since dex lent me to play at chalet two/three years ago!!
5) i hate it that there are FIVE freaking papers of which there are TONS to study for (prob except patho) spread over two weeks.
6) I esp hate it that two of the subjects are the pure mugging kind tt TOTALLY doesn't make sense and really HUNDRED PERCENT involves dead and pure memory (pharmaco and microb) and since my pure memory sucks (judging from the fact that bio's my worst subject ever out of my As, though i dislike physics more)
7) Making the worst decision regarding studying ever: choosing to study at home this entire week cos i thought i started so much later than everyone else and studying in sch will prob put me under undue stress. This opened up a whole world of vices that are within reach in the comforts of home tt i so disappointingly and undisciplinely (i noe there's no such word but who cares :p) fell for *gulps*
8) Making the second most lousy decision regarding studying: starting with neuroscience (which i did on and off in the buildup to this week of studying) when everyone prob started studying something else which didn't rely so heavily on hints. i knew i shouldn't haf started on this but i stupidly thought tt even if i had started the rest earlier i wouldn't have been able to remember them and i wanted to read up on ns cos i really liked it plus i din really understand the lects cos i wasn't paying much attention to them!! grr...
9) Having tests are not so bad, but not when they are THIS frequent!!! (the last one was only 4 weeks ago!!!)
10) Doing other stuff while having to study for exams is really taxing...and it's not tt i haven't tried it before...dun understand y i'm always itching to do other stuff besides studying...omg...

that being said, i shall quote my father: "if they din give uall tests, uall will study meh??"
my instincts were to immediately retort to say tt i would but then again, my conscience got the better of me and i realised tt he did indeed speak with wisdom..hahaha..

oh wells, i guess lastly i should quote ada (he makes perfect sense here, for once hahahaha): "make us mug through christmas, then make us mug through cny. but it's ok la, it's for our patients in future." :) :)

you know you haven't done something in a long time

2008-01-20T14:14:00.000+08:00

when the last blog entry was ALMOST one month ago.

when even ur pri sch blog (which doesn't get entries often) gets updated.
when you forget how much fun you can have doing it.
when you actually forget the pain that follows doing the thing.

seriously, i'm amazed! nhps blog doesn't get updated often and there were actually TWO freaking entries before i posted this new entry!
all thanks to joshua li.
then again,
both entries were abt things we did over the past month/coming up the nxt mth.
first was the pri sch chalet.
i shall be cheapo and just kop the picture off the nhps blog. hahaha.
cos i din take any photos there anyway :(
and the other entry is abt the upcoming CNY dinner! woohoo!
this yr is super exciting cos MANY MANY ppl are coming!
ppl like jane whom i haven't seen since we graduated from pri sch (on a side note, she's one of my oldest friends! we were classmates in pri 1!!! haha. tgt with peiyi)
and ppl like weihao and i can't remember who else :S

and then the fun thing AND painful thing was going back for softball trg!!
i went back for trg yest!
and i never realised how much i missed the game until i played it again.
but i was HORRIBLE!
i kept being able to stop the ball but not being able to pick it up (ie "scoop" up the ball nicely)
and when i needed to pick the ball up from my glove to throw, it keeps slipping out of my hands :S so paiseh la, somemore the ball actually chose to drop out of my hands during fielding trg, in front of the "coach".
thankfully never get scolded. haha. if back in rj, sure die! haha.

BUT BUT BUT,
today i'm suffering the consequences of not exercising for so long.
well, actually NOT not exercising, considering i've been trying to get some form of exercise in between in these one and a half years tt i din play softball.
but i actually forgot how much pain softball without proper stretching/sufficient prac and exercise can bring.
it actually causes my WHOLE freaking body to ache.
firstly, batting requires a lot of twisting tt's y my upper torso (the back and the rib cage area) hurts.
batting also uses more muscle power from left arm than right so left arm hurts too.
then there's throwing, which of course causes my right arm to hurt.
next there's catching which requires squeezing of the glove to catch the ball properly and hence, the left thenar eminence hurts too.
and lastly, there's running involved in all the fielding pracs (which we did quite a lot of yest) and hence the thighs/legs hurt too.

at least the last pt i can tahan cos i've exercised somewhat in this period.
but wahlao, i can't even laugh or cough properly now cos of the torso.
and it feels really weird and unusual that the thenar muscles hurt too.
grr..
but nonetheless, softball's still fun!
and we may be able to take part in the league!
so exciting!
the first real game that i'll be playing!!!
muahahahaha.

wisdom

2007-12-26T22:29:00.000+08:00

and so,
it's been confirmed by non other than myself,
that my wisdom tooth is growing out.

throughout the entire cambodia trip,
i kept feeling like there was a gap between my last molar and my gums,
and it was so irritating cos food was always stuck there,
and it was so uncomfortable cos i couldn't remove the stuck food using my tongue,
and i had to resolve to unglam means of removing the food using my fingers,
which later on failed cos i cut away my fingernails aft which it was impossible to remove the stuck food using my fingers as well. haha

however, in retrospect,
i think the symptoms of my wisdom tooth growing started way before the cambodia trip.
ard the CA period,
my gums sort of just swelled on its own
cos i was eating normally and stuff but i'd always bite my gums there.
and then it'd ulcerate but cos i continued biting into tt part of the gum,
the ulcer refused to heal.
maybe it was the tooth tt caused my gum to swell and hence for me to bite into it.

i remember feeling envious of ppl who had wisdom teeth.
dun ask me y -
considering most of my friends who'd haf it din haf good exp cos they all ended up having to remove it,
which is no fun at all i'd think considering they couldn't speak normally and their entire mouth swelled up.

i guess i'd always sort of hoped for it to be a sign of wisdom somehow or other.
haha.
aft all, there must be a reason y it's called the wisdom teeth right??

but now,
i realised tt growing wisdom teeth is no fun at all.
and i dun even need it to be removed at this pt in time at all,
and it's already not fun and damn freaking irritating and i just wished it doesn't have to grow out
and to make things worse,
i dun feel none the wiser than i was without the teeth.

anyway, just a very random point,
i confirmed tt it was my wisdom tooth growing by using the unglam mtd:
using my fingers to feel in the hole tt is betw the last molar and the gums.
and when i feel it right at the base nxt to the gums,
i can feel the teeth growing out. :s

back from sabai

2007-12-24T18:10:00.000+08:00

actually i wanted to write this post in chinese.
in fact, i've been wanting to blog at least one entry in chinese for a long long time
but my stoopid laptop doesn't haf the chinese software
even though the whole world tells me tt chinese is supposed to come with windows XP.

anyway, this trip was really fruitful, meaningful and enjoyable.
i made many new friends,
both in and out of medicine,
both young and old.
i re-confirmed my passion for serving others,
and i re-confirmed my love for these cambodian kids.

before i left for the trip
i never expected myself to haf fun.
after all, i was the leader of the groups and hence had lots to think about and handle
but i found myself enjoying every minute of the trip,
even when discussing how things should be set up and run,
even when packing and unpacking all the drugs over and over again
(i actually spent 4 days plus plus doing this)
even when i didn't get to do much of the checkups.

if there was anything i regretted abt this trip,
it'd be tt we didn't get as much interaction with the kids as the previous trip.
but i made the effort to try to interact as much as i could
it was gratifying to see that at least the children could identify me by the end of the trip,
calling me 'teacher' everytime they see me. :)

the other regret was tt we never took any pictures of us working!!!
the m1s were all obsessed with taking photos of themselves posing with the children -
not tt it's wrong to do tt,
but if we show anyone pictures of us in cambodia,
it'd only seem like we were there playing with the kids,
and not doing any work in particular.
i didn't bring my camera so there was nothing much i could do.
and i generally dun really like posing with the children,
unless they're my favourite kids -
yes, i admit tt i do play favouritism,
but hey, we're all only human. haha.

but this trip is prob one of the most scary ocip i've ever done.
and it is all due to my horrific carelessness and plain stupidity. :s
i just pray tt i will be blessed and tt i'll be free from whatever i think i could get,
and this is definitely a lesson learnt and not to be repeated again.

and now, i'm back here in singapore,
with bacteriology CA beckoning in 2 weeks.
i really ought to start studying for it,
which i m trying v hard to do.
but i'm pretty much shagged from the trip (after having to keep myself perked up for the last 2 weeks, whether or not i had enough rest - i did not sleep even once on all the rides we had, either to/from sch/while touring the places)
and of course, i haven't totally recovered from the fact tt i'm no longer in cambodia -
it still feels surreal to me tt i m in singapore,
tt i m no longer in tt poor, dusty country,
everyday going back to my non-airconditioned, no hot water guesthouse,
tt i'm no longer going back to chreh, at least not for the nxt few mths to yrs maybe.
so i'm still slowly trying to build up my momentum to study. :S

Project Sabai

2007-12-07T22:07:00.000+08:00

this is my second year of going sabai.
the reason why i decided to go again?
1) i really really enjoyed the first trip (one of the rare overseas trips i must say, be it CIP or otherwise)
2) we actually promised the kids we'll be back and i din really haf the heart to break tt promise (note to self, do not make such promises this year - promises that i'm pretty sure tt i won't be able to keep nxt yr)
3) the project really looks sustainable - and whether it is sustainable or not will partially (or even greatly) depend on my batch and i've always wanted to do some kind of overseas CIP trip tt is sustainable even though we may only be touching the tip of an iceberg

wat i din forsee going back to sabai?
i knew i was going to be the head alr, like even right from the start.
but wat i din noe was how tough it was going to be being the head of Sabai.
i must say i faced the amt of stress that even studying didn't give me.
and the amt of stress took its toll on my body tt i thought my body was really not as good as i thought it was (i guess it is now, since it's been partially proven tt sabai's the cause and sabai's nearing its end soon, at least for me)

initally, the stress i felt was not knowing wat was going to happen,
and i was the head of the project.
and for the head to not noe wat was going to happen,
it really IS bad.

then, the stress i faced was having to juggle everything while having to manage the first round of CAs.
thankfully this part of the stress is generally well-managed since i think i've always been juggling studies and this kind of nonsense stuff (in my parents' opinions)
except tt this time i din juggle studies as well i guess hahaha
but i guess i should be thankful tt i passed
cos this means tt i'd haf a smoother time trying to play catchup via pros. :s

and now the stress i haf to face is..
omg, unprecedented.
and there's totally nothing i can do abt it.
except to pray and pray and pray.
the prob is that the issue seems to be easily resolved,
but whether it can be easily resolved is highly subjective
to whoever we meet.
and this is wat i meant by it's sth tt is out of my control.
oh wells.

as so many ppl haf told me,
i'll really really try to haf fun there.
i haf to try amidst all those stress tt i'm likely to face there.

tt being said,
i really think handling sabai this yr has been a FANTASTIC learning experience for myself.
cos i learnt much more about myself,
my limitations, my flaws, my character
most importantly, i learnt how to acknowlege and thus control various emotions tt will course through myself in a day - the anxiety, the panic, the helplessness and many other emotions tt i used to let cripple myself in the past.

i'm tempted to say tt with this exp,
nothing else can be as stressful as this,
and tt i can handle almost anything else tt is thrown to me.
BUT,
i haf this nagging feeling tt this might not be true.
cos we all noe that life can only get harder and not easier,
not when we are in the medical field.
haha.
esp since yilin has told me tt it's likely tt we're in the phs team.
(look wat i've gotten myself into again?
(and this is another thing i found out abt myself - i can't seem to take a break from things of this nature, planning, organisation, leadership yada yada..grr)
but wat i'm sure of is that,
watever i've learnt from my exp in sabai will definitely put me in a more favourable spot to handle more stuff in future.

MBTI

2007-11-28T21:31:00.000+08:00

i rmb taking MBTI in sec sch.
and i was an ENFP then.
but throughout JC, i felt that i've changed so much,
esp so much more emo,
that i always felt that i've become an I.

as such, i tried once to search for free online MBTI to do to try to assess my personality type again.
but at tt time i couldn't find any sites that allowed me to do it.

recently i read granny gan's blog,
and found to my pleasant surprise that she had done MBTI online,
and she left the add there.
so out of curiosity to see whether i've changed my personality type,
i did the test again.

and this time i was an ESFJ
what a disappointment!
also since i got a J which i never associated myself with.
must be cos of all the things i had to do as a councillor.
forced me to be more meticulous and methodological. :s
and wat was even more disappointing was tt when i did the test in secondary sch,
i was a borderline E,
and now i was a 60+% E.
terrifying!
haha.

but i guess one good thing abt this new personality profile is that,
one of the recommended job of ESFJ ppl is:
PHYSICIAN!!
haha. so now i noe for sure that i belong! heh. :)

on a random note,
the diagnosis is out.
it is menstrual-related.
though i still think it is more likely to be stress-related.
i realised tt i forgot to tell him tt it gets worse aft i use the comp.
whatever it is, it's nothing serious tt can happen medically (i hope)
and ultimately it is still up to me, myself and i to control it.
here's the amusing part:
if it's menstrual-related, apparently the only way it'll go away
is for me to GET MARRIED AND GIVE BIRTH!!

time flies

2007-11-23T21:04:00.000+08:00

i noe this saying is cliched.
but this time it hit me really hard.

i remember all those times when i was a kid and i watched tv which showed all those busy busy ppl who'll forget their birthday.
and i remember thinking:
how is it possible for anyone to forget their own birthday?
esp since they'll haf to celebrate it once a year?
and esp since as a kid all of us will prob haf looked forward to our birthdays,
to collecting all those gifts,
which sort-of never happened to me.
dun get me wrong,
i still looked forward to my birthdays as a kid.
but well, the presents part..hmm..what can i say, except tt being a dec baby has more cons than pros haha.

anyway, yup, i remember naively thinking tt forgetting birthdays is remotely not a possible thing.
but here i m, just barely 10 yrs down the road,
and i ALMOST forgot my birthday's round the corner this year.

yes it's true, though i noe many of you will prob not believe me.
i was only reminded of how close my birthday is from this date when we started signing on min jia's soccer ball tt was going to be his birthday gift.
and even while signing it didn't hit me yet.
until i went somewhere tt i SAW the birthDATE,
and i was like "OMG it's so close to my birthday alr!!!"

so yeah, i haven't totally forgotten my birthday yet,
but i did ALMOST forget it.

and the reason i give for us not realising how much time has flown by?

it's the bloody exams!
i mean, while studying and working towards all these exams,
we'd only look forward to the end (which is this coming mon! hurray!)
and prob all tt happens in the middle is a blur to all of us,
myself included.
which is y at the end of it all (ie the end of the exams)
we'd be like "you mean one month has passed?"
haha.

oh yes, in case any of u who still bother to come here are worried abt me writing this as a hint of any sorts,
please rest assured tt it's not.
which is y i cotemplated for the longest time whether to pen this entry or not.
yup, i merely wanted to write abt how i feel.
that's all :)

stupid me..or maybe not

2007-11-21T22:17:00.000+08:00

so i went for pbl in the end.
quite a stupid choice.
though i still think he is quite good.
but realised today how really screwed i m for CAs.
and i still thought i was studying fine. :S
which is y i went back for pbl.

i must really be quite stupid.

on second thoughts,
(which is also wat drove me to go for pbl today)
i agree with miss-president-scholar.

there are more impt things to being a doctor than mugging the cold hard facts.
granted, these cold hard facts are impt as well,
esp since we would haf nothing compared to our patients if we dun haf these cold, hard facts at our fingertips.
but, there's a more human side that we need to grapple with as well.

and it's not as if prof only teaches us all these non cold hard facts stuff.
He actually teaches us systematically wat we need to do when we see a patient in a ward.
like wat histories to take, what thought processes a doctor has to go through before he decides wat tests to order, wat diagnosis to make and wat treatment to give.
and all of these, i personally believe,
will almost never come from textbook teaching.

true, we will eventually noe all these when we go to our clinical years,
but wat's so bad abt hearing it earlier and having it being driven in our minds right from the earlier, non-clinical years?

and so, i have made the stupid choice to go for pbl.
or maybe not :)

maternal instincts?

2007-11-20T17:43:00.000+08:00

sometimes i feel i am too serious for my own good.
i see how my mum can be so childish when she's playing with our dogs and little kids.
but i just can't bring myself to do all those "goo-goo-ga-ga" baby talk with the dogs and the little kids.
somehow i feel that i am lacking in this which i call maternal instincts.
dun get me wrong,
i really love my dogs and little kids.
in fact i love little kids so much so i always yearned for a baby sister/brother!
but it's just that the way i interact with them is very different.
and i seriously think the difference in behaviour really costs the relationship,
as attested by the relationship i haf with the dogs versus my mum and my maid.
sighs.
i shall kop this saying i heard somewhere sometime:
"maybe when god made me, he forgot to insert a copy of the maternal genes in me"

on a side note:
i feel like ponning pbl tml.
how?
it's the first lesson of the year tt i feel like ponning.

and so i was wrong

2007-11-17T11:38:00.000+08:00

i was wrong about results of CAs being able to come out in one week's time.
i was wrong about the two of you.
i was wrong about being able to study with the laptop on.
i was wrong to dl all these games just BEFORE the CAs.
i was wrong about your level of maturity.
i was wrong about my own feelings.

so many wrongs this week.
i better start putting rights to this week.

blogging

2007-11-17T11:23:00.000+08:00

i think it must really be quite boring for ppl to come to read my blog,
considering how i myself do sometimes get bored when ppl only blog abt their lives, wat they do and all tt.
But but but,
i really haf nothing else to blog about other than my well,
boring boring life.
haha.
isn't it sad.

this is why i enjoy reading damian's blog so much (hey voldemort, u better be greatful k, i hardly compliment anyone heh)
he seems to always have endless things to blog about:
songs, grey's anatomy episodes, random harry potter nonsense, random tests and facts, random thoughts and watnots.
it's a good mix of everything!

in comparison,
i only blog about:
1) bitchy stuff when i feel bitchy, which hasn't occured in a long time (dun believe go read march's entries)
2) random gatherings tt i haf, often without photos though i noe how much better the entry would haf been with photos.
3) anything remotely interesting in my boring sch life

essentially tt's abt all.
i dun blog abt my feelings (which is y i thought i was becoming introverted though i guess i m ultimately still quite an extrovert)
i dun blog abt random stuff cos i dun do random stuff, which is sad.
i dun upload pictures/videos cos they take way too long on my slow-coach laptop.

and i seriously dun understand how ppl get the flair to write so beautifully.
my blog seems to be rantings,
whereas my sis and shivs can seem to write entries tt are almost poetic.

on a sidenote, numbering off things seem to be my style of studying,
and i can't believe i'll "applied" it onto my blogging style.
i must be studying too hard.
or so i wish.

i am a pen killer

2007-11-12T21:15:00.000+08:00

i have killed a grand total of
FOUR
pens throughout the course of studying for CAs.

the first two,
i killed by dropping them too often.
one pen was almost on the verge of not being able to write.

the last two,
i killed by writing over liquid paper before it was dry.
kanna sai.
had to dispose of one when it still had more than half its life-span left.
premature death indeed.

the last one i only found out tt i killed it today.
which is wat spurred this self-professed really weird blog entry today.
it also still has more than half its life-span left.
dunno whether to dispose of it..
hmm..

CAs

2007-11-07T22:26:00.000+08:00

it's always bad to blog abt tests aft we are done with them,
but i think this time i dun really care anymore.
furthermore i think these tests are going to be the first ones tt i'll fail in my life.
(and maybe i should stop cursing myself by telling everyone tt i think i'll fail,
though of course it's alr set in stone and tt watever i say now doesn't really matter anyway,
just tt i m ultimately still ban tang and so i should stop saying it,
so this will hopefully be the last time tt i mention tt i'll fail)

anyway, these CAs also deserve special mention cos i really need to get it out of my systems
so tt i dun think abt them anymore.
and i should stop thinking abt them whenever i see a word tt reminds me of the paper!

I NEED TO MOVE ON!!
i still haf three more papers to think abt!!!

in this aspect, actually i seriously wish the results will come out sooner.
my prediction is tt the results will come out by mon,
and latest by fri.
though wooch did say tt he thinks it'll be out on this fri.
yup, tt's the way. it should be as early as possible so no matter wat it is,
i will just take my results and not haf to consider where i went wrong.
first.

haha.
i guess ultimately i still can't be like my siblings,
and not really care abt how i do.
i still care abt failing,
abt not doing well.
just tt i really haf to learn to take things in my stride,
and not give myself too much pressure and stress to excel.

but anyway, yes, abt this rd of CAs.
COFM felt alright (it was on mon),
though my confidence started to shake when ze jia said tt his councillor felt v confident of her answers, only to end up failing/just passing.
immuno and microb were today,
and immuno felt better than microb.
i answered 95 questions as opposed to 86 questions out of 125.
(yes, i actually counted the no of questions cos it was part of the strategy i used this time rd. shall see if my strategy works hahahaha)
meaning, i can get roughly 16 questions wrong and 11 wrong respectively to pass.
and considering i'm more confident for imunno...........

i guess the only bad pt abt my strategy is tt....
if i can get ALL the questions tt i've done correct,
i'll ONLY (i can't believe i'm using this word here) be able to get 70+ and 68+ respectively.
and tt's IF i can get ALL correct,
which is proven to be unlikely by checking some answers with friends hahahaha.
this is also y i can't understand how damian can aim to do well this time. muahahaha.

OMG, as i type this, i REALLY REALLY just wish the results will come out so i'll stop thinking abt it and so i can concentrate on the other tests tt are coming up!!! URGH.

anyway, now tt i've gotten this off my chest, i should stop telling ppl this and curse myself like i mentioned before.

on a side note, we had pbl until 8.30 today.
eh, not really only pbl la, plus the radiology dept tour,
which really wowed us all (though i really can't figure out if wooch was feigning tt he was awed or he really WAS awed)
watever it is, i was really amazed and full of admiration for these ppl who really need to work like robots (i'm sorry i haf to say this but it's really just testing one pt aft another) and yet haf such profound knowledge of anatomy and all the funny black and white pictures taken by MRIs and CT scans. hahaha.
one area which was really fascinating, though, was invasive radiology!
and ze jia, daryl and matthew even managed to stay inside the surgical room to watch the whole procedure! the rest of us had to watch from outside, where there was a HIGHLY OBSCURED view.
but yeah, 8.30 is not a fun time to stay until. haha.

exams are the bane of my existance

2007-10-29T22:42:00.000+08:00

i can't remember wat i wanted to blog abt,
but i just realised how screwed i am.
after these three papers,
i haf no time to rest at all,
have to launch into revision for the other three papers for CA1.

then when finally all 6 papers end,
i'll haf two weeks of breather,
before i fly for cambodia,
where i will spend two weeks doing com service.
and when i return,
it'll be back to full-steam mugging for microb paper when sch starts.

only tt abt two weeks later, we haf another patho test,
which means no resting aft microb paper.
which means no resting from now.
OMG.

i'm in for a long haul man.
thank goodness i realised this early.

thank you

2007-10-24T22:39:00.000+08:00

To all those who have helped me through these difficult times,
I just want to give a big shout-out here:
thank you all of you for all you have done for me!
your concern, your advices and your support will not go unnoticed!
hopefully i will be able to overcome my psychological barrier.
thank you!

to ruiming: haha, there's not much to see here in my blog anyway. i either dun write, or when i write, it's usu quite depressing/boring/bitchy. haha.

pardon my absence

2007-10-10T20:04:00.000+08:00

i'm going to go full-steam (almost) from now on till CAs.
so i doubt i'll be going online much.
and blogging's a definite no-no.
so yup, here's saying bye for now.

sense of insecurity

2007-10-04T23:10:00.000+08:00

yup, tt's how i'm feeling with regards to project sabai.

i dunno, i have never organised anything tt is as uncertain as this!
at times, it seems like i really dunno what is happening, and it is true tt i STILL do not haf the FULL PICTURE of what is going to happen to us, like:
when the doctors are going down?
what lessons we have to carry out?
whether we are conducting the health checkup for the children ourselves?
whether we are going to any of the other schools to do any other things?
whether we need to participate in any celebration tt they might haf?
what we need to do at those celebrations tt they haf?

SO MANY UNCERTAINTIES IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS.
and none of them i can answer myself!
i just wished i could go ahead and plan then force it down all their throats.
but it's impossible since i'm the lowest down the hierarchy in the trip
ok, not the lowest, considering the ppl i'm leading are lower down the hierarchy,
but i'm sure u get the picture.

then at other times things look pretty and like a bed of roses and like things are going smoothly and fine, like:
i'm collecting medical supplies from this lady known as mrs tham (known as auntie to melody) and it sounds like she has managed to collect quite a lot of stuff for us (even multivits! i'm impressed!)
when i look at what are the DEFINITE things we have to do (minus those variables mentioned above), we are really quite on-track and fast.

so i really do not understand what is this thing tt is constantly nagging at the back of my mind telling me things will not work out there!
i am so freaking scared and it seems like no one can share my worries,
either because a) they are like my type of ppl but they are not in proj sabai at all!
or because b) the only other person who has been in my shoes is weimin and this is precisely the way he functions! and i totally cannot work liddat! i must haf plans, plans and more plans tt i can follow!!!

i guess the thing tt i've planned tt comes closest to giving me this sense of insecurity is the laos trip we did before med sch.
and even then, tt trip seemed perfectly planned before we flew to laos and met mr sombath (again my pt abt being the lowest in the hierarchy)
and in tt trip, i had ppl whom i could trust and rely upon to salvage any situation tt turned up (which was quite a big situation in the end. we had to plan the nxt day's activity THE NIGHT BEFORE)

maybe my prob is not tt the proj has so many pts tt make me feel insecure.
maybe my prob is tt i haf to learn to trust the ppl who are going with me on this trip.
i m so seriously scared.
i've never been so scared before.

some things

2007-10-04T21:34:00.000+08:00

some things are more impt than others.
some things, once lost, can never be the same again.
some things, once missed, we can never gain back.

i guess those three lines succintly summarizes most of the lessons I have learnt in life up to this point in time.
but here's the most impt lesson i've learnt:

do not take things for granted.
always cherish the things you have.

mid-sem break

2007-09-28T22:19:00.000+08:00

is coming to an end alr.
and i've hardly rested.

this is the period of time tt i've exercised the most since i..hmm..
got into med sch?
frisbee on tues, floorball on wed, and touch rug today.

then stayover on mon night at yilin's place -
only slept two hours before i had to rush back to prepare to rush to sch for mtg.
thurs was my relatively freer day with rotaract mtg.

sians.
so not only haf i not rested,
i haven't even gotten time to catch up on schoolwork at all.

so based on definitions of break gotten from dictionary.com:
mid-sem break was meant to be:
to destroy or interrupt the regularity, uniformity, continuity, or arrangement of; interrupt
with uniformity referring to sch.

yet, based on my schedule,
i have changed the intended definition to:
to overcome or wear down the spirit, strength, or resistance of; to cause to yield, esp. under pressure, torture, or the like

hmm. i wonder how the same word can take on meanings of total opposite polarity!!
but i must say i enjoyed my mid-sem break thoroughly! :)

life is short

2007-09-26T23:38:00.000+08:00

it's not tt i dun alr noe this fact.
just tt i've been reminded of this fact recently.

while playing frisbee on yest,
my contacts dropped out onto the field.
thankfully i managed to find it back.
and i went to the toilet to wear it back in.

and when i came out,
rou an started telling me abt this worm tt resides in water tt will travel through the conjunctiva into the brain.
causes headache, nausea and death within four days.
AND THERE IS NO KNOWN CURE.

omg, and she told me tt there's a possibility tt the worm was in the soil.

then came the night when i was damn tired but still went west coast park to play with candles and sparkles.
and as i watched the sparkle, i was suddenly inspired.
the sparkle is well, as its name suggests, a sparkle in its lifetime.
unfortunately, it's life is too short.

beautiful things really DO NOT LAST.
and a chinese phrase says it the best:
夕阳无限好
只是近黄昏

and then today, i'm again reminded of how precious life is.
someone who may look perfectly healthy on the outside may actually be harbouring an ominous growth inside his/her body and this is sth tt we most likely can't see with our naked eye.
and it is particularly sad when this happens to ppl our age who are at the prime of our youth, and not having experienced enough love and warmth from the world.
and particularly bright students.
just like joan.
we are all at the most beautiful stage of our lives.
and it will end v soon (by growing older)
but will it end sooner than tt??
nobody noes.

i thought i mentioned this before but i didn't.
i'm becoming more and more of a hypochondriac ever since we learnt more abt diseases this yr.
and as the word hypochondriac suggests, the stuff tt i'm guessing and thinking abt are most likely not true.
but in the event tt they are true and i m indeed inflicted by one of those ominous growth tt can't be seen tt i mentioned before,
or the worms tt rou an mentioned,
and tt my prime is going to end even sooner than i expected,
i just want to tell all my friends and family:
i love uall :)
thanks for having been part of my life and giving me all the love tt i can ever need and want.

to david: actually maybe not tt i dun belong but i just dun feel talented. haha. you can teach me violin but i think i'll make a really bad student so i think it's better tt i stick to frisbee. haha.

medical notes

2007-09-23T22:52:00.000+08:00

yest i went for medical notes concert.
was really impressed by how talented everyone was.
granted they may haf played stuff wrongly -
to err is human
in fact, having to juggle sch work while still practising on the various instruments they play is not easy.
not to mention the extra pressure of having to perform in front of ppl,
particularly ppl tt they noe well.

and i'm not only impressed with the fact tt they can play certain instruments well,
there are ppl who can play a whole array of instruments it's freaky.

jr can play piano and violin,
jo can play piano, violin and viola.
even min jia has dip in piano (though i dun really understand where the even stems from haha)

then i think abt myself,
and how i couldn't even juggle wat i mentioned in my last entry.
and i find myself in deep shame.

then i think abt myself,
abt how i gave up piano in pri sch, only to regret it but not ever trying to pick it up again,
having my skills (whatever's left and whatever there was in the first place) stagnating to a pt of no return.
and i find myself in deep shame.

it's times like these tt i feel tt i really dun fit into the med world.
like how everyone's talented in many various ways,
and yet none of these ways have a space reserved for me.

sigh.
now all i can do is try to study harder and make up for my lack in talent with hopefully, my competence at being a doctor.

goldilocks at bowling.

2007-09-21T21:47:00.000+08:00

so this is the reason y i din get to study today.
went bowling with goldilocks today.
was hell lot of fun like our last bowling session was as well. :)

edwin the pro bowling

jon tay the not-so-pro-but-still-ended-up-first-today :)
he was really quite sick at the start tt it was impossible to catch up (though i did haf a chance to beat him, i succumbed under pressure)

and ms tai trying to bowl :)
i think she managed to get 8 pins this time (as proven by the second shot i took tt i din upload here)

oops, accidentally deleted sara's shot of her bowling but i'm too lazy to reupload.
this is a shot of her ball rolling towards the pins.
one of the fantastic shots from sara! :)

here's zhiyong preparing to bowl.
this is the start of a series of pressurizing shots by chong keat tt he took by standing at the line of the lane tt is nxt to us so tt he could take us up close. really damn stressful la!

a closeup shot of myself by the pressurizing chong keat.
i managed to strike hence this is called the strike shot. :)

and ah boo obviously is moving too fast to be captured nicely by the camera! :)

yi jing

and this is the last closeup shot, only because the perpetuator himself felt the stress and decided it was too much for any mortal to bear so decided to let us go scot-free! :)

and forgot to take a picture of the scores:
jon tay's first with 121 pinfalls
i'm second with 119 pinfalls
edwin's third with 111 pinfalls (not bad considering his first frame was 6)
hmm..then i honestly cannot remember the rest of the positions
BUT

the person who deserves special mention is chong keat!!
he's last with dunno how many pinfalls but so maluating cos he lost to all the girls!!!
ie yinxia, sara and yijing!! haha.
i'm not counted cos i used to bowl often heh.

the incapable me

2007-09-21T21:09:00.000+08:00

it's times like these tt i really feel v stupid.
somehow i just can't juggle a life with managing my studies, playing sports, going out with friends, watching all my favourite dramas and heading sabai.
i m doing the last three so much tt i've been neglecting the first.
hence getting a considerable amt of stress from tt.

i can't sacrifice sabai, neither can i sacrifice playing sports (considering the stupid fat test thing told me tt i'm UNDER-EXERCISED)
so i guess the only logical thing to do is to give up going out with friends, and of course, watching all my favourite dramas.
but i find it so hard to refuse all my friends (like the og outing today, and the kbox session last night both of which i shouldn't have gone but thoroughly enjoyed myself by going for them)
and of course giving up all my favourite dramas is like, i dunno, asking me to stop breathing?

and i thought tt when all the overseas ppl haf left for sch i'd get more time to study
but NO!

considering the last of my friends are going back this wk (nxt wk the latest latest)
somehow my mid-sem break is alr half-full to full-full (if there's such a thing)
and all these without factoring much time to study,
much less to plan sabai.

and tt is another area tt i'm a total failure at.
i've been neglecting sabai for two weeks tt i'm damn freaked out myself la!!!
only now am i starting to take more care and notice of it!

sigh.
somehow as i grow older,
i lose my ability to juggle everything so perfectly.

to shivs: yup, sem-break is so not break. wat do u haf? and we were supposed to meet up right? wanna meet up to study? haha. i DESPERATELY need to do tt!! and if we haf accomplished enough, we could even go shopping aft tt or sth (though i suspect we'll end up talking more than studying which isn't tt bad a thing either. haha. just tt we won't get to shop!! haha)

just an observation

2007-09-17T22:34:00.000+08:00

i realise i never write one post at one shot.
they're all clustered together with periods of quiescence.
so weird.
haha.

maybe tt's how random thoughts come abt.

what a life!

2007-09-17T22:31:00.000+08:00

i was trying to see why i haven't studied much since sch started just now.
and then i ended up writing my going out schedule since sch started.

i was totally appalled by myself.
disgusted even.
DISBELIEF.

i've been OUT every weekend since sch started.
and when i say weekend, it means both sat AND sun.

omg omg omg.

and tt is not to mention the 2-3 times out of the 5 weekdays tt i go out too.
i must haf been out of my mind.
i'm nuts.

bball and walking home aft tt

2007-09-17T22:19:00.000+08:00

i played bball today!!!
tt's really an achievement considering how immobile i've become!

and i was disgusted by my level of fitness so i thought of running.
then decided it was too malu running in sch cos my stamina sucks.
so i nxt contemplated going home (by internal shuttle bus then 189) then going west coast park to run.
then decided tt i prob was too lazy to go out and run also cos "falling in love" was prob going to start in abt 15-30 mins upon my reaching home.
then i thought abt how i prob wouldn't be mobile in tt 15-30 mins cos i'll prob just sit in front of the tv trying to find sth nice to watch.

AND IN THE END, THE MOST BRILLIANT IDEA HIT ME!!
I DECIDED TO....
WALK HOME!
from the src!
omg. how crazy is tt.

i first walked to cheers to get drinks cos i left my water bottle in the bball court.
then i walked to central lib from there.
initially i wanted to walk through arts to get to kent ridge terminal (instead of walking by the main road)
in the end cos i din noe the way i just tried to bash my way ard.
and i walked this funny shortcut thingy tt led me to...guess where?

BUSINESS CANTEEN!!! omg!! tt's like way overshot where i wanted to get to la!!!!
and it was really surprising cos the route was actually really v short only. (i think i prob took less time to walk from central lib to business than if i'd taken the internal shuttle bus!)

so having landed up somewhere further than i needed to,
i had to backtrack. SADLY.
and i backtracked following the main road cos i didn't think it'd be funny if i went somewhere else tt's funny.

considering how much extra distance i've walked, i think my progress wasn't so bad.
i left src at 6.20 (i remember cos i just finished smsing)
and i managed to reach home by 6.55!! woohoo!!
just in time for my show!! muahahaha.

Falling In Love

2007-09-16T22:23:00.000+08:00

Dun get me wrong, i'm not talking abt myself.

Neither am I talking abt any of my friends.
I'm talking abt the ch 8 7pm show tt's keeping me on my toes (like literally)

i started out watching the show quite skeptically
and i only started watching it cos it coincided with my dinner time and i had nothing else to do while eating.
and initially i was like, ok got time to watch then watch lor, no time nvm.
going out with friends was more impt then.

but as i watched more of it,
the more i wanted to know exactly how the sisters got together with whoever they were supposed to get together with.
and before i knew it, i was hooked onto the show like nobody's business -
being sad whenever i haf no choice but to miss it,
always going down for dinner on time cos i dun want to miss a single sec of the show.

and to think the show is actually produced in Malaysia!!

so here's the storyline:
the story depicts three sisters who are of marriageable age (prob except the youngest sis) but all of whom have no partners yet.

the eldest sis (my fav character!) is a rational, level-headed woman who is pretty career-minded, but nonetheless very caring towards her dad, and very reasonable and fair towards both her younger sisters. She is the one who comforts the middle girl when she's down and reasons with the youngest one when she's being unreasonable. and i like her cos she really played the eldest sis role v well, how her younger sisters will confide in her, and just in general tt she exudes the kindly, understanding big sister kind of feeling.
She ends up being with Herman, her fellow colleague whom she's almost always at loggerheads with.
and the two of them decided to get married after two weeks of being together!

the middle sis (played by jesseca, the only female actress any singaporean will noe) is a goody-two-shoes: kind, thoughtful, VERY giving, VERY forgiving, helpful, homemakerly, filial to her dad, loyal to her sisters. But the only prob with her was tt she's too ugly. (jesseca had to uglify herself haha if there's such a word)
and actually i like jesseca a lot, and i still feel that her acting's really good, but i dun particularly like her character cos i think she's too nice a person, kind of impossible to find in real life.
she ends up with tom, her good friend whom she stood by and encouraged as he tried to woo her younger sister.

the last sis (THE CHARACTER I HATE THE MOST) is a wilful, disrespectful (she actually called her dad obsolete cos he din noe how to use the computer and to think her dad doted on her the most! hmrph), self-centred (always trying to get her sisters to treat her to meals while saving her money to buy clothes for herself), not filial at all (doesn't give any money to her dad).
AND she JUST HAD to end up with the most eligible bachelor among them all. he's called lizhe and he's the jewellery prince in malaysia. how unfair is that???!!
AND not to mention her acting sucks, her pronunciation and the way she speaks while trying to close her mouth is so ugly and irritating!!!!! i seriously can't stand her!!! grrr. so spoilt, so terrible a person, yet she had to end up with the richest (and supposedly the most handsome, though i beg to differ) guy. haiz. wat's the world coming to man.

that being said, there's no reason for me to get mad since it's just a television programme. haha.
but yeah, all prejudices aside, it is quite a good show,
and it's ending nxt fri :( :(
but i can't wait to see the first two pairs get together (though boo to the third pair!)

friends

2007-09-14T20:32:00.000+08:00

my first more or less random post tt is not an update of my boring life - this is fr a topic tt shu grace and i were talking abt when we met up on wed.

when i was in pri sch, I used to be sad when my so-called best friend din regard me as her best friend.
my best friend fr pri sch remained my best friend for 3 yrs cos we were in the same cls for all 3 yrs and i think we got so close really because of the similarity in the way we had to pass our pri sch years.
in p5, she actually told me in the face tt i was no longer her best friend.
so childishly, just so she'd feel as bad as i did, i told her tt she was no longer my best friend too (though the truth was tt she still was)

still in pri sch:
i was really upset when i found out tt a fellow clsmate in p6 wrote in another clsmate's autograph book: "enemies: shihui (just kidding)"
and this particular clsmate had been clsmates with me for 4 yrs.
i could never figure out y she never liked me.
and it really affected me as a kid - to the extent tt i was really apprenhensive when i got into sec sch abt whether ppl will like me, abt whether i'll be able to find friends.

then moving on to sec sch, my first friend (notice the singular term) was "stolen" (she wasn't really stolen, just tt tt was how i felt at tt pt in time) and i was quite unhappy and angry with the girl who "stole" my first friend.
my next group of friends was a group of three (inclusive of myself) and the other two were pri sch clsmates and hence really really close
and i always felt left out.
retrospectively i think i was really being too attention-seeking. i guess i just wanted them to notice me and include me more then.

things got better in the rest of my sec sch with my group of friends remaining more or less similar for the next few yrs.
on top of tt my sec 3/4 cls was totally fun and homogenous to be with tt everyone was friends with everyone else!
and i was so much more accomodating towards all my friends - if any of them pissed me off, i'll just feel irritated but will try to ignore tt feeling and somehow or rather something funny will come out and i'll haf a good laugh and forget all the negative feelings.

then in jc, i felt really really miserable initially, like how my cls was so not homogenous compared to my sec 3/4 cls.
thankfully, i got into council and made friends with a bunch of friends who were really fun-loving, supportive of me and encouraging towards me whenever i was down.

meanwhile, things turned sour with some of my previous friendships.
i realised tt ppl are not as simple as I WAS; nor as simple as I THOUGHT THEY WERE.
my energy level dropped as well, and hence little things tt i used to be able to stand in friends were beginning to irk me such tt i could never classify ppl whom i interact with as ppl whom 1) i TOTALLY LIKE being ard and 2) i TOTALLY HATE being ard.
i realised more often than not, for the friends tt i hang ard with, i tend to feel a grey area - somethings abt the ppl i totally can't stand but otherwise i actually enjoy the person's company.

as a result, i tend to cherish the times tt i spend with myself more and more, something tt i was really terrified of previously.

and so it all boils down to wat grace said: as we grow older our priorities change -
friends used to be SO SO SO important in our lives it almost seems as though we cannot function without friends in our lives.
but as we get older and wiser, we realise tt our family are the only constant variable among all the changes happening ard us and hence are the most important ppl in our lives.
and it is not tt we DO NOT NEED FRIENDS AT ALL AT THIS POINT IN TIME. it's just tt we dun need EVERYONE to like us anymore as long as we haf those few dependable friends to rely on. cos we all also understand tt at this pt in our lives, ppl won't spend excessive energy interacting with ppl they dun like anyway. :)

but ultimately, the leopard can never change its spots.
there are some things i still cannot stand doing alone without friends:
shopping, watching movie, eating any meal in sch.

i've already tried to be as politically correct as possible. i apologise if i've insulted anyone in anyway.

an update...abt time i guess

2007-09-14T20:25:00.000+08:00

rui is right.
i really haven't updated in a long time.
but i think my life is too boring to bore even myself with all the details.

and this yr i've been relatively bitch-free (?)
so worse, if i'm going to have any entry it's going to be abt wat i do all the time.
which is eh, not interesting at all.

i guess there are only a few interesting things to add:
1) ruiming found my blog by accident. i just hope tt he wouldn't like come back and visit it often. muahahaha.
2) tze tong's interested to find my blog to see if i've been bitching abt any friend (which he's not included since i haven't bitched abt him haha)
3) met up with shu, joyce and grace on wed. and SHU HAS A BLOG. not like i noe y tt's supposed to be shocking but she says it's supposed to be. but sounds more happening than my blog at least cos she blogs abt her dreams?? haha.
4) went kbox with quite a random group of friends yest but was HELL LOT OF FUN!!
5) i need to study more.

hmm..seems like the list gets less and less interesting as it goes down. haha.
I really NEED to find random things to blog abt. wonder how ppl like damian can keep those random ideas flowing just like that!!

woo chiao and ze jia

2007-08-24T23:03:00.000+08:00

there was a three and a half hour break betw end of lecture and pbl on wed.
and i spent it with woo chiao and ze jia.
the three of us ended up not studying.

and even though i kept repeating tt i was stuck with them for nothing (it's a long and boring reason y which i won't elaborate here)
and of course the word STUCK didn't go down to well with the two HYPER-SENSITIVE guys.

but in reality i enjoyed myself a lot.

thanks to the two of them, i learnt so much more abt cosmetics.
(the irony of it all right, learning abt makeup from guys)
(and of course ze jia's remarks abt me having to be careful abt lines under my eyes din go down too well with me haha)

thanks to the two of them, i'm more in touch with the gay scene in singapore.
i was really clueless before tt.
and was gratefully enlightened in this gossiping session with them.

but more importantly, thanks to the two of them, i had a v enriching and fruitful session talking abt various subjects such as life, attitudes and emotions in general.
i dun see myself talking abt such topics to many girls, much less guys in general.
and i must say it was v v v refreshing hearing a different slant fr a guy's pt of view.

and i'm particularly grateful for a talk like that cos i dun get this kind of random talking with many ppl in medicine in general.

so yeah, i sincerely apologise here for saying tt i was STUCK with uall,
when in reality i really really enjoyed myself.
thanks guys :)

i feel fat

2007-08-24T22:59:00.000+08:00

really i do.
might be a result of feeling bloated all the time.
though i haf no idea y.
it's not like i've been eating a lot.
other than tt day at SGH.

it's high time i follow the general consensus tt i need to go see an gastroenterologist.

on a side note,
though i ate really little during rag period,
plus exercised (danced) a lot in tt period,
i did not lose any wt at all.
kind of shocking.
hmm..my wt seems to haf come to a pt of stasis.

boring friday

2007-08-24T22:23:00.000+08:00

was busy blog-hopping the entire evening cos i just din want to study and was tired as well.
and i realise this of the different ppl who's blogs i've seen and read:
i realise tt a lot of ppl haf a lot of friends out of med tt i din noe.
and today's not the first day i notice this.
just tt i didn't mention this before.

and i can't help but wondering
y it seems as though i only spend all my time with med ppl.
and even if i was hanging ard ppl outside of med,
i think ppl who read my blog would prob recognise a lot of these ppl tt i hang ard with who are outside of med (whereas i dun even noe their friends)
and as much as i feel tt i actually haf quite a big social circle,
i think at the end of the day,
my social circle's not as big as i'd think it was.

and then i can't help but wondering (yet again)
whether things would haf been different if i weren't fr rg and rj.
i mean:
for a lot of ppl who weren't fr rj,
a lot of their good friends aren't from med.
whereas for me,
almost all my good friends are in med.
and these are the ppl whom i hang ard the most.

and even for my friends who are not from med,
they're from rg or rj,
where again, most of the med population come from.

it's times like these tt i wished tt i knew more ppl tt the med ppl dunno.
it's times like these tt i wished i hung out with more ppl outside of med.

but i do haf to face reality:
i m too shagged to keep up with the energy of going out with ALL my friends tt i want to go out with (like jasho, shivs, xl, xf, sy, cherie, not to mention ym wong and chris whom i still haven't met up with since they came back from cambridge, and the councillors whom i'll never get sick of seeing over and over again)
AND of course i do HAF to go out with ppl from med as well, like dnd tml, shopping for dnd in advance etc etc.

oh wells.

ok stupid thing i did today:
i was really bored so i wanted to dl audition to play.
took 45 mins to dl the installation prog.
took another abt 10 (?) mins to install.
and i tried playing one/two games only to realise tt it's really lag and i haf like DAMN little virtual memory to play.
so I'VE ALREADY DELETED THE GAME FROM MY COM.

how retarded.
blame it on my com - it only has 27GB of space right from the start.
with the basic software like office, various components needed for the com to function at its most basic, i only haf abt 15 (?) GB left. :S

school has started!

2007-08-21T23:00:00.000+08:00

rag's over.
this is wat i've been waiting for for like the longest time.

and things are now back to normal.
though normal means mugging and sorts.
at least i think this yr i've got my priorities, my mood, my attitude, my style of working right.

i m no longer lamenting the fact tt i'm not studying overseas.
in fact, it's not always a bed of roses for ppl who are studying overseas too.
and they DO haf to study quite a lot too,
contrary to wat i've been wanting to believe.

i m no longer complaining tt medicine students are mugger.
at least not as much and i've learnt to accept it as a fact of life (as a medical student)
and i've learnt to embrace it and begin to mug myself,
since the sheer volume of what we haf to learn this yr scares me as well.
and it doesn't help tt i've been only half listening in lectures.

in fact i think i kind of like this kind of arrangement:
going to study when i haf to;
going out when i need/want to (i'll go into a list of what i've done since sch has started).
really, what this is abt is striking a balance betw having to study and wanting to go out and relax.
though so far i've been doing more of the latter than the former.
and plans are underway to embark on the former as well.
and of course, i've been slightly persuaded by xi wern to consider going back to frisbee trgs.
shall see how.

yup, as for wat going-out i've achieved since sch started (i think it's quite scary if i think abt it haha)
last mon: island cremery with jo and joyce (and of course yi hern and ze jia who tagged along later on)
last tues: kbox from 2-7 with david, jo, joyce, aloy.
last wed: hung out in sch with jo, yilin, jon tay and several other ppl aft frs for 1/2-1h?
last thurs: met up with bert and shivs (and their friend wilson i think)
last fri: went to watch fireworks at fireworks festival aft playing board games in sch with my og
last sat: watched secrets with mum and sis and went for rag celebration party at joel's house
last sun: 4-generation buddy outing at island cremery (too bad only managed to get navjote's line down)

yest: stayed for TBL pilot testing then rushed to vivo city and rushed back to UCC for talk by perm sect
today: went ghim moh with yilin, joyce, tze tong, erin and ruiming

whew! tt was quite a list :)
proud of myself :)
though like i said i think i need to study more :S

ragging

2007-08-04T21:34:00.000+08:00

it's been a LONG while since i've updated my blog.
been really busy with ragging, thus the title of the entry.
actually ragging is really boring to blog abt.
just tt i'm dancing and helping out with the float.

so much has been running through my head these few days.
so many unhappy thoughts.
so many angsty thoughts.
so many disappointed thoughts.

i think the lyrics of this song prob describes my feelings best now:

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can

You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
It's as everybody's changing
And I don't know why.

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
'cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right.

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

Ooo...
Everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

i really need to feel more positive about things.
but wat i really need is for sch to start.
cos tt's when all these shit ends.

medicamp 2007

2007-07-21T17:45:00.000+08:00

medicamp's finally over.
really shagged.
but it was fun and crazy while it lasted.

i never knew jo could be so crazy!
but i'm really glad to haf a chance to get to noe my batchmates better! :)

of course lots of unhappy things occurred.
but i'm just glad it's over and i'm not going to bring up those incidents.

and the best part was our og won survivor!!!
thanks to kailiang's og who voted for us after being told to change their vote.
and bidding was fun as ever with the funniest being lijia's og who bidded 1055 pts for the damn noisy cheap toy thing.
my og would haf to be ranked one of the suay ones by bidding 700 pts for umbrellas and car key chains.
though we were lucky enough to get a 50 dollar swenson's voucher (which erader din haf the chance of getting one)

now i'm just hoping tt uraku would stay together like snow white did.
tt would be the coolest thing ever! :)

AVA food safety award night

2007-07-13T13:10:00.001+08:00

yup, so this was wat i missed harry potter premiere for.
some company function which i really din want to join.
and i felt so socially out-of-place,
being introduced to ppl whom i dunno and won't remember.

i guess the only point tt salvaged the night was mtg up with my cousins (only two of whom were present at the dinner)

my cousin who's one year younger.
and one who totally LOVES taking photos. hee.

see? point proven. even taking photos in the toilet. haha.

and i felt totally overdressed tt night.
all thanks to mum.
i wanted to wear office wear but she wouldn't let me.
and turned out most of the guests were in office wear.

my other cousin whom i had worked with in the company during my stint there.
the two of them are sisters. :)

my uncle, who's the CEO of the company.
his drove damn fast when driving us back la!
like hitting 5000rpm la!
and i thought dad drove fast.
-shudders-

and the surprise of the night!! ALOY!!
haha. the emcee mentioned sth abt unicurd when she mentioned the goody bag
(i found out later she was referring to the recipe book tt i'm all too familiar with)
when i realised tt he could be there too.
and since i lost his no, i msged geri for his no.
and then found out tt he was actually sitting diagonally in front of me! haha
wat a coincidence!

and the first thing he told me when he saw me was:
"welcome to the first of many such dinners"
bish.
haha.
too bad we din get to speak much tt night.
i din feel too comfortable moving ard much and i presume he felt the same way too.

and unicurd got 10 years A grade man!
my god!! tt's like how good la!
we only got 2 years. heh.
and tt's good enough for us alr lor!!

vicky's 21st

2007-07-12T01:43:00.000+08:00

ok, this is wayyy overdue. his birthday was like 20sth june?? heh.

here's the ppl who turned up. though there were more sitting on other chairs ard the area. this photo is merely one of ppl who managed to sit ard the table.

and here's dearest xin ling whom i haven't seen for like SERIOUSLY damn long!!
she was working in a law firm while i was working at my dad's office.
plus she was going for ocs social night the nxt day and was fretting over wat to wear.

as always. no outing where the three of us are present is complete without the three of us taking a photo or two together :)

and karl initially turned up in his navy uniform which made him look remotely smart and serious for once.

but..he JUST had to change out:

into this singlet (which isn't even half as bad as the auntie pants tt looked like pajamas la)
and this photo is a singlet shot photo :)

a very drunk vicky lying on hide's lap aft the kr ppl drowned him in 4 shots of tequila. haha.
he admits tt he can't hold his liquor.
and i better not let him noe tt i published this. he'll kill me for sure!!

shawn in karl's shirt aft he was dunked into the pool.
he volunteered to be dunked in place of the birthday boy (whom everyone was scared of dunking for fear tt he'd drown)
the shirt's really cute so i think i took quite a few shots of it ;)

and vicky still unconscious in hide's house from the liquor.
law ppl had arrived fr their formal dinner by then.

and a rare guest at our gatherings indeed!! zheng!! haha
haven't seen him for so long!
apparently he wanted to organise a harry potter movie outing today but i really dunno how it turned out to be.

precamp plus rj

2007-07-12T00:55:00.000+08:00

ok, i haven't been tt diligent in updating my blog as i had promised to.
but seriously so much has happened in all these time, and a lot of which i can't blog so openly in such a public blog as this :s

so yup, shall concentrate on photos tt'll say a thousand words :)

went back to rj aft precamp last fri.
bert just smsed yilin wooch and myself out of the blue, catching all three of us unaware.
and being afraid tt the teachers would haf left, the three of us rushed down to sch asap.
and cos of miscommunication etc, we ended up with having 3 cars among the 4 of us.
how she chi la!

this is the teachers all clambering to take photos with our future pm (though the boy keeps insisting tt he doesn't want to go into politics)
and the teachers want to take photos with him and get his signature before it becomes impossible to do so :)

and here's me with ms hor, my all-time fav bio teacher! :)

rj was fun while it lasted. really talked to the teachers for eons la!! was good to see them aft so long (the last time i came back was for the release of A level results)
subsequently the 4 of us proceeded for dinner at crystal jade with rah as well.
and sneaky wooch wanted to set up a movie date with only bert and i. how immature.

so tt's going back to rj which was heart-warming, lots of fun and lots of good memories.
nxt up are some photos from precamp.

here's ppl who turned up (cum stayed over) for precamp fr our og. :)
and we decided to take a hoodie picture!! :)
learnt mass dance and played games before tt.
also decided on how we wanted to do our flag and og identity too.
also went out to get our materials.

and here's the v v v special ppl tt we were supposed to share our slping lair with! :)
though in the end, only jon tay and i used the slping lair la! haha.
others found it too cold or too squeezy.
i was so tired i conked out tt i din feel the cold at all, until i was woken up by jon tay in the morn then i really felt the cold sink in. :)

and jo and i decided to take a hoodie-cum-ugly face photo. haha.

rag+island creamary

2007-06-30T21:21:00.001+08:00

today i went to help out at rag.
though there were only jo me and glenn.
and i bought tau huay though there were less ppl than the no i bought. haha.

and aft tt, jo and i went island creamary.
it was my first time there!
i had the nutella and the durian flavours one.
cos i heard the durian flavour's good.

and jo and i viewed some past years' floats from the halls
and viewed her photos from usa.
her cousin's are really cute! :)

so tt's abt it today.
the rest are too private to blog abt ;)

that's it

2007-06-30T21:07:00.000+08:00

yup, that's it. i've had enough.
today was the last straw.
so i'm not going to do anything anymore.
i'm sick and tired of this shit, this crap and this sai kang tt is not even appreciated.

sayonara

mtg with shivs

2007-06-30T02:08:00.000+08:00

oh yes, as a mark of my angst, i got another ear hole pierced! finally, after all these years of wanting to get one pierced.
haha. but i was joking abt the part tt it's cos of my angst.

i met up with shivs (aft so long! the last time we met was cny!!) today and she wanted to get her ear hole pierced. i was like "y not?" since i've always wanted one more. so i went with her. but just before i was going to pierce it, i was gripped with fear. cos the first holes on each ear i had was pierced when i was in sec sch, and even then it was back at the hole i had when i was a little kid. and y would there be a difference, you may ask. apparently, 1) the ear cartilage increases in hardness as we age and 2) if there was a hole tt closed up, it'd be less painful to pierce back in the same place. so basically combine the two reasons, the last time i pierced i prob wouldn't have experienced the full blast of what getting a new hole would feel like.

and shivs was just laughing at me, saying tt in future i'd inflict pain on ppl so now i should get inflicted some pain on myself first. haha.

oh wells, all in all, tonight was a good night spent with her shopping first for normal going out clothes, then for work clothes tt we ended up not buying. the only grouse we both had was tt there was too little time cos of oops, my being late :p

WTF

2007-06-30T00:51:00.000+08:00

the title says it all. i'm in a bad mood. a foul mood in fact. so if u are too, i'd advise u not to read it cos it's really quite vulgar. and it's been a looooooong time since i'm so vulgar alr.

woa i really cannot take it alr. i din want to bitch abt them so openly but i really cannot take it.
their comm is really one of a kind.

first we haf someone who pushes me to place orders for shirts quickly with the first t-shirt design we haf. then the someone's not v happy with some things, so i haf to make minor changes with the vendor twice. and all these is after asking for an accurate quote (which means i'm supposed to give the final design) AND asking him to reduce the quote for me.

then the design takes more time to circulate to the rest of the comm. and viola, one fine day i get a call from someone else in the comm saying tt tt wasn't the design the comm had in mind. and tt they want to change the design. and this time IT WAS A MUCH MORE MAJOR CHANGE THAN THE PREVIOUS TWO TIMES (PLUS IT WAS ONE DAY BEFORE MEETING THE VENDOR TO CHECK T-SHIRT MATERIAL ETC) like WTF? how can i expect the t-shirt guy to continue giving me such a good price when i keep breaching the agreement tt binds a quote? and all these are one day before we are supposed to start printing (though of course printing could haf started long ago if not for all these stupid interference in the first place)

then we decide to speak up only to be called up by yet another member of the comm who wanted to understand how things were like in the t-shirt comm. like go and mind the more impt things of medicamp can? we just want all these shit to be done and over with asap. and i'll use the t-shirt to wipe my ass in future.

then the last person of the comm to come into contact with me (i hope) comes sending me an email, initially offering me a vendor but then later i realised the true colours. the person wanted the quotes i haf and stressed in a manner as if daggers were being shot at me tt i should haf sent in the quotes before i went ahead with the printing. how can they expect me to give them quotes from different sources when in the first place the final design is alr no longer the same as the initial design?????????? like seriously, WTF WTF WTF WTF. i've had enough of this nonsense comm. so i shot the dagger back at the person saying tt i've actually alr had the quotes, and if i'd submitted the quote tonight it'd actually be BEFORE i went ahead with the printing since the printing can only start tml cos i haven't submitted the sizes yet.

GRRR. the nonsense of the comm. i've really had enough of this nonsense. if not for the fact tt this last incident happened, i prob would haf kept all these to myself and a few select friends. but now tt i've suffered so much shit, i seriously do not care tt this stoopid blog is public anymore. in fact i've been so angry these few days tt i'm getting a dull, constant headache. CAN'T STAND ALL THESE BULLSHIT PPL.

and seriously, i can't be bothered with them changing the design so many times. i think they just dun get it. they think i'm angry cos they change the design so many times, cos we haf to use their design (like they basically vetoed the stuff). i mean i m angry to a certain extent tt they vetoed, and particularly the fact tt they vetoed from the original idea tt we had. but since we changed to their idea v early on, i seriously dun give a damn anymore. and y did i say they just dun get it? they try explaining to me y they had to reject all the other designs and essentially just made up excuses to cover their asses for having vetoed the stuff. like WTF? i'm just more angry tt at different levels i'm getting different shit from the diff ppl, and tt they just seriously disregard the fact tt I'M the one liaising with a third party, while they just happily KEEP ON CHANGING the design till they're happy no matter HOW MANY TIMES IT TAKES. Seriously, if i were the t-shirt guy, i would've just given up man. like where else can u get a t-shirt for a quote of 4.60 la!!! OMG. and trying to appease him while trying to change the design over email isn't exactly the easiest job on earth noe. and yet the stoopid exco there is just having a whale of a time taking their own sweet time looking through the design then dropping the FREAKING bomb shell so last minute and still expecting us to follow their wishes (it's in the way they put it, not really sth concrete tt i can say/show).

so yeah, bad days. grr.

the anger has kept me awake

2007-06-29T02:57:00.000+08:00

i guess sometimes all it takes is a bit of guts:
a bit of guts to stand up to what you believe in.
a bit of guts to stand up to the effort that you have put in.
a bit of guts to stand up to ppl who have been so callously stepping on your pride, your ego, your works, your efforts.

at the end of it all, we are choosing the painful path, the path of confrontation, the path which i was so scared to take.
how can u separate friendship and comments abt your friends' leadership styles, styles of doing stuff, styles that you totally cannot accept or that irritates the hell out of you?
do u tell them and risk the friendship changing?
or do u just keep it to yourself and suffer in silence?

i really can't wait for all these to be over. and it hasn't even started. gosh.

and this sentence really makes me sound like joanna.
i'm really worried abt her. she so depressed abt rag. and i really really really want to go down to help her out. for those who know me well, u ppl will noe tt i'm a sucker for doing these kind of things wat. but i haf to be stuck at work.
and the turnout for rag's so bad tt it's making her worried. and her committee is not helping. which makes her all the more depressed.
well, i seriously can imagine. aft wat happened to me for sabai.

i really think tt at the end of the day, no one in our med class will ever want to organise anything ever again given all the bad experiences everyone has had. charity run, sabai, rag, orientation. haha. now it's going to be harder than ever to find an i/c for anything. haha.

i can't take this anymore

2007-06-28T16:22:00.001+08:00

I've told myself over and over to try to keep it inside.
But I think I can no longer keep it inside.

At the end of the day, I think I only haf myself to blame for not taking up that position.
But I really dun want history to repeat itself.
What with me missing out on chances of my lifetime.
And of course not to mention the unnecessary stress I give myself.

You may say that I am selfish, but seriously, after working on several occasions with these people, I dun think I can take working on such a large-scale project with these people again.

Well, all I can tell myself is: it's going to be over really soon. Just hang in there and hopefully, things will turn out fine.

random things

2007-06-24T00:36:00.000+08:00

ok. just some random things to blog abt.

the first is abt kids.
i've confirmed the reasons y i love kids so much.
physically, they are much cuter than adults (this is scientifically proven by my sec sch bio teacher who was not good at teaching bio but was gd at teaching anything BUT bio)
mentality-wise, they're much more innocent than adults (proven by two kids i saw on the bus ride back home who had so much fun laughing when they were just talking to each other - i think they were siblings if i'm not wrong)
it is this innocence tt i miss particularly abt not having grown up, abt not having to become wiser, abt not having to become more mature.
for some ppl, it is true tt grass greener on the other side theory holds true: they wish they'd grow up faster when they were young; then they wish they were young again once they are older. but i definitely think tt this doesn't apply to me. i've stopped wishing tt i'd grow up faster since like wat? sec 3?? haha.

the second's abt kinships, again inspired by the two kids on the bus i saw (and some contributions from the europe trip ppl during the europe trip. haha)
i feel that it is such a miracle for a family to be born as a family, and that you can probably tolerate a lot of things from ur family but not ur friends.
it is esp miraculous to have siblings, to love and care for ur siblings (and this is prob v different from the love and care towards friends).
it's like siblings will be there for each other no matter wat. and tt no matter wat they talk abt, there's nv a shortage of topics to talk abt. and tt they'll always be there for each other, to cheer each other up, to haf lots of fun and laughter tgt.
i believe tt no matter which family, no matter wat the circumstances, the relationship betw siblings will definitely be a close one when they are young (due to mentality and mindset of kids). Hence, it baffles and pains me to know that there are siblings out there who fight over their parents' properties; who are out there to cut each other's throats when they grow up.
it baffles me to the extent tt i can't help but ask: why? wat exactly happened to cause ppl who haf grown up tgt and even if they weren't close growing up, they shouldn't haf HATED each other growing up, to want to literally kill each other this way??
i shudder to think tt such a situation could happen to myself as well.

and the third would be abt going out with harold today.
we caught pirates tgt (since prob the whole world would've caught it by now and we were the only two who haven't, and we haven't caught up in a long time)
walked from ps to lido just so i could catch hokkaido fair so i could buy shiroi koibito for my family who loved it the last time i bought back from sapporo (it was meant to be a surprise but my bro couldn't even remember they ate it last time!)
then went to sakae for early dinner (like really early - 4 plus)
thing is, we were seen by a hell lot of ppl - the 23rd guys: my buddy (he'll prob haf lots to suan me abt now), qian tai, zhihan, amogh, yingheng (prob can expect suanning from him too). like OMG! of all ppl to meet! i'm pretty sure i won't hear the end of it from jieming! :S
then we were seen by harold's clsmates. which isn't a good thing either. sigh.

oh yes, of course we had to walk back to ps to catch our show. we were slightly late though.
the show was not bad in my opinion, contrary to wat the reviews haf said and to wat my daddy has said.
it was pretty funny - humour was easy to understand which was good for me today cos i lack slp terribly and was quite tired. haha.
the only regret i had (if u even consider it a regret) is tt i can't remember the storyline v well fr the first two installments. haha.

wat a day. haha. wat a day indeed.

musing mood

2007-06-19T10:51:00.000+08:00

Before i came to work today, i was reading a magazine (those ba gua kind la!) when i came across this news that reported of Stefanie Sun having a very bad temper and scolding all the people working with her to film an advertisement.

I was quite angry after reading this article. the writer wrote the articles as if Stefanie Sun had a lot of airs abt herself (since she's the famous one) and hence treats all these "subordinates" like shit and hence throwing her weight abt all of them. But i feel that even though she is in the limelight all the time (and hence has to be a role model in one way or another), she is still a human being after all and is entitled to feeling down, feeling angry, feeling upset at times what.

and i say this not because i like her, but rather tt i'll prob be caught in the same position as her. i remember once in gp cls in jc, my gp teacher mentioned something abt how sports stars are role models too. and i was just thinking tt ppl who are under constant public scrutiny would all haf to be role models of some kind; would all be slammed for any "indecent" behaviour; would all be criticised by plebians for anything tt they do, be it correctly or wrongly. and doctors are no different. and yet, we are all humans. we haf feelings; we err; we have a right to our privacy which is not being respected.

oh wells, i guess this is just wat life is.
unfair. hehz.

work..yet again

2007-06-18T14:08:00.000+08:00

i think i really got more than wat i asked for by going back to the office this time round.

i thought:

the whole hoo-ha in the office should haf died down by now,

esp since there are alr new staff employed.

(essentially me going back to the office is just to help reduce workload of the current workers,

cos there is still one post tt is not filled since one of my cousins will be coming to work in the company in jul)

and since i was there to only help ppl out,

i thought tt my workload would be quite little and tt i would haf a lot of time to myself to either read harry potter or to finish up with my travel diary.

But as things turned out today,

i was supposed to help my other cousin who's alr at work here.

and she's currently taking over the post of the personal assistant.

and guess wat was the first job "presented" to me?

(other than those easy ones that my dad left me)

I was to type the minutes for a mtg tt i din even attend!

oh wells.

and so my life is reverting back to the boring one before i left for my europe trip.

which i haf yet to blog abt.

i need time to decide wat to write and how to write abt it. :p

finally wat happened

2007-06-17T23:44:00.000+08:00

ok at long last i remember wat happened on tt thurs.
haha.
aft separating from yilin and jo.

i met cherie and we watched priceless together!
heh!
so proud of myself!

priceless had a very simple plot.
but i think it was cos of the french aura tt made it less cliched and stuff like tt.
i dunno, i just feel tt if the show was made as a hollywood/hk show with the same plot,
ppl would come out of the movie making so much noise like how it was not worth it etc etc.
but cos it was french, everything seemed to fit better and hence the show was given pretty good reviews and such.

and to be honest i din even noe how the story was like before i went in,
nor did i noe how the reviews were like.
the only thing i knew was tt cherie told me tt the show was given pretty good reviews.

review by i-dunno-who taken from the yahoo singapore movies website:

""Priceless" (original French title, "Hors de Prix") is a romantic comedy about an Average Joe who falls for a materialistic girl, only to find out that love does not always conquer all. Those who had wept watching "Breakfast At Tiffany's", should not miss this one.

The movie starts off introducing Irene (Audrey Tautou) as a young girl who seeks an easy life, going out with rich, generous men. On the other side of town, Jean (Gad Elmaleh) is working hard for a living. When Irene first meets Jean, she mistakes him for a wealthy young man. She goes out with him and soon Jean goes broke from Irene's extravagant lifestyle.

Unable to pay his debts, Jean unwillingly becomes the companion to Madeleine (Marie-Christine Adam), a lonely but wealthy widow. Being new to this experience, Jean is taught by Irene to take advantage of the widow and eventually, he becomes good at it.

Throughout the movie, Elmaleh plays a shy and timid guy with low self-esteem due to his inability to woo Irene. He does a good job with appropriate facial expressions and body language that help to flesh out his character. Tautou, on the other hand, makes her Irene convincing with the gorgeous and expensive designer clothes and an energetic performance. She is especially memorable when she demonstrates to Jean how to seduce a woman - and suddenly stops midway, just when you thought they were going to get passionate. No wonder she was nominated for the Cesar Award for Best Actress twice, in 2002 and 2005. She gained global recognition when she starred in "The Da Vinci Code" with Tom Hanks in 2006.

This movie leaves you feeling touched by true love and how it really conquers all, even financially. Watch it when it is shown during the French Film Festival 2007 from 24 May to 3 June at GSC Mid Valley and GSC One Utama."

i dun really noe how to see body language and stuff but yeah, i guess by reading the summary is pretty accurate of what the show is like - the simplicity of the plot lor.
and the last sentence of the review is the crux of the story - something cliched like wat i said agian.
all in all, like wat i said, it only got good reviews cos it's french.
full stop. :)

but well, company was good;
both of us are suckers for such kind of romance stories.
and i really din noe she was the actress in Da Vinci Code else i'll prob like it more as well.
haha.

the missing thurs

2007-06-16T15:58:00.000+08:00

aft trying really hard at recalling the missing thurs in the pdcp week,
i managed to recall some parts.
haha.

i remember mtg for lunch with yilin, jo and kenrick.
we agreed during the period when we were studying for pros to meet up for lunch.
and at tt time we made a few bets:

1) i'd get a treat from kenrick if i got 2As
2) jo'd haf to treat kenrick if she got 2As
3) kenrick'd haf to treat jo if he got B+/- (can't really remember which one)

in the end, i made it, getting a treat from kenrick.
jo made it, having to treat kenrick.
and kenrick din make it, so no need to treat jo.

and when yilin and kenrick talked abt it, he agreed to treat her as well.
so the lunch was to be spilt betw jo and kenrick.

we met at novena before kenrick got his break (1h only la!) to decide where to eat.
i thought i was going to be late, but in the end i was the earliest!
and guess who i met at novena mrt station??
gabriel yee!! haha. their anat grp was going to go out with prof raj.
and jo was going to be so late tt she couldn't scout for a location with us :(

yilin and i walked to the new extension of novena square (ok, maybe not so new but i had no idea it was there!) without being able to find any food.
and tt's when we met jo.
we finally decided on this cafe thingy tt sold fish and chips, rosti etc (cos we had to take into acct tt kenrick needed to be back in one hour's time)
can't remember the name of the cafe alr (i din even bother trying to remember in the first place. haha.)
the food wasn't fantastic la, but the company was good i must say! :)

aft lunch, we walked him back to ttsh through the real new extension of novena square - square 2.
there, we met the other m2s-going-on-to-3s going back to ttsh for the same tutorial kenrick was going for too and they included brian (jo's cousin) and gideon.

the three of us then walked the new extension which was barely open and yet there was so many things to see and buy alr!! haha. all of us vowed tt we'll bring our families back here to shop! haha.

now comes the sad part.
at ard 2 plus 3, i noe we all went our separate ways mtg our different friends.
the thing is,
i can remember tt jo was going to shawn lum's house for prayers;
i can remember yilin was going to rj for the presentation on our laos trip and was going to go to john chen's house for a party (and hence mtg qian tai) until late at night (and hence not being able to pack for munus either)
BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER WAT I LEFT TO DO!!!
I ONLY REMEMBER GOING OUT UNTIL ABT 7ISH WHICH GAVE ME TIME TO PACK FOR MUNUS HENCE I DIN PACK BEFORE LEAVING HOUSE TT DAY.

grr, this sucks.
haha. will continue at trying to think of wat i did and hopefully i'll be able to remember. then i'll update again! haha.

pdcp week

2007-06-14T23:51:00.000+08:00

i was right abt myself.
i blog more when it's exam periods but blog less during hol period.
haha.
and as i explained to ppl on my europe trip,
it's cos during exam periods, we have a lot more free time (ironic isn't it?)
cos all the time is spent on studying tt time feeling sian seems proportionally more,
which leads to more time to blog.
whereas during hols, i practically go out every single day until late at night tt the only time i get to go online is to check emails.
and esp for this hols, i haf to work such tt aft work i either plonk myself in front of the tv and refuse to get up or go out after work which leaves me with no time to blog.
the only time i get to go online when i'm working is when i'm working. hahaha.

so yeah, i think no pt blogging abt the sian times when i had to work.
haha.
but my first turning pt to my sian life of working is pdcp week.

kailiang alr passed his driving by the first day of pdcp, and i hadn't driven to sch.
eager not to always be the driver of the og, i had wanted to take his car to lunch.
but i think there were prob 10 of us in his car ba (or even more) and we had wanted to squeeze all the way to ghim moh.
too bad i was scared tt we'd meet with police on the way (it's not exactly tt far but still some distance away) so i told him to drive to my house and i drove half of us to ghim moh.
we only had one hour for lunch but we took one and a half hours. haha.
so was late for the aft lecture.

and aft sch on the first day, the og went to watch a movie.
and as usual we took a hell lot of time trying to decide what movie to watch.
but again, we din haf much time so could only end up watching 200 pound beauty (a korean show)
i'd say tt the storyline was really simple, but it was very nice and touching nonetheless. haha.
and aft the show i vowed never to watch another movie with the og ever again. haha. (tt was a joke though half-true haha)
cos we were slightly late and were making so much noise abt having to sit right in front of the screen, and the show was quite farny so we laughed pretty loudly a lot of times, plus the show had some suspense at some pt in time and they were making such loud gasping noises when it wasn't even a scary movie!
but it was good fun nonetheless, provided lots of laughter. haha.
and yinxia and xiuzhen ended up crying quite a lot. even though the movie was not tt touching (though quite touching. haha. let's just say tt i've seen more touching ones la)

so tt was the first day.

second day of pdcp ended early. so we planned a bit for our europe trip for a while before xiuzhen had to rush off for her driving lesson.
then i joined some of the og ppl at bowling. (cai min jia actually joined us! haha. though i think west coast recreational centre had a part to play in his decision ;) )
i owned all of them except for losing the second game to min jia if i'm not wrong.
but cos there were 7 of us, and they put me in the 3-men team twice, the team i was in lost twice out of three games.
haha. but it was fun too! :) i hope more ppl in the og enjoyed bowling aft tt though i doubt it cos a lot of them were throwing gutter balls. haha.

third day of pdcp was the longest day out of the three.
doubt i went anywhere aft tt though. haha. (but can't really remember tt clearly too haha)
oh yes, but we celebrated liming's birthday on tt day.
and tt blur girl starting singing the birthday song along with everyone else without knowing tt the celebration was for her. haha. so cute!

thurs was a break in the pdcp week.
i remember going out the whole day until late but i can't really remember wat i did. haha. how sad.
only know tt cos i remembered cherie (i think) asking y i dun need to study for the exam the nxt day. and i remembered telling her tt everyone's not studying haha.

and fri was the test. gp style which i really hated. but it was going to be marked by our tutor who's quite a nice guy and i think he has a pretty good impression of me so hopefully i'll be able to pass. :S
test ended by ard 11. and it was off to munus on fri! haha.

whew! wat a week.
the next blog entry will be abt munus.
and of course thurs if i can remember wat i did then! haha.

2007-05-15T20:29:00.000+08:00

like i've said a few times alr,
life's a constant cycle.
and a vicious one at tt too.

when we are in sch, we are all so sick of sch we wished the hols could come quickly.
but when we are on hols, we are so bored tt sch could start again more quickly.

it's not tt i'm complaining abt the hols.
i just wished i could learn to be more grateful for the present.
and i'm glad i'm starting to grasp the concept. haha.

and this yr's schedule's pretty nice.
like aft one month of sian hols (for most) and dreaded hols (for me cos of work)
we haf the pdcp module.

though the module is really boring and kind of pointless,
i really relish the chance of meeting up with the med ppl,
esp under such almost-totally stress-free situation (since we dun really haf to study much though we haf this exam at the end of the week la)

i'm just glad to be out of working and back with all my friends doing all sorts of crazy stuff together again! :)
we've only started sch two days and we've alr gone to watch movie, go bowling and go for lunch!
how exciting right?? :) :) :)

2007-05-10T14:14:00.000+08:00

after all these tortures,

i can safely say tt i'm done with year 1.

today the results came out.

and thankfully, no supps nothing else to worry abt.

i noe i m in no position to complain.

after all, i've been granted with the grades tt i'd been aiming for.

i just wished i could've done better in physio.

seems like no matter how hard i study for physio,

it still has to be my worst track :S

and it is not comforting to noe tt this is the only track tt we will continue using in ages to come.

anyway, all these aside, i'm just glad tt i'll be able to enjoy this hols to come :)

hopefully i'll be a bit disciplined and read up on physio just to help me abit, and just so i won't die in future.

2007-05-08T22:21:00.000+08:00

time really flies by without us noticing it.
and we somehow grew apart without realising it.

i noe u are a sweet and thoughtful little girl.
and i really appreciate all the times u thought of me when buying those food i like, when helping me do all the errands i send u on so willingly.

but really, it's times like these tt i hope u were more extroverted.
i wish u'd tell me how u feel so i could be more sensitive towards how u feel.
like i noe all the times when u did badly in sch, mum would always scold u.
i noe u feel really bad and disappointed tt u did so badly as well.
i noe cos i'd been there and done tt.
but u never showed ur disappointment, never showed ur sorrow.
and this makes all of u insecure whether u really are sensible enough.

i wish u'd tell me how u feel so tt i noe what things u like/dun like me to do.
it doesn't help tt u just get angry and stop talking to me suddenly,
then leave me clueless abt wat set it off.
and then all of a sudden, we are like best sisters in the world.
if i noe wat u dun like, i could try my best to stop doing those things.

i wish u'd tell me how u feel so i dun haf to find out how u feel through ur blog.
i wish u'd tell me more abt sch, abt ur friends,
just like how i always share mine with u.
a relationship should never be one-way,
much less kinship.
how am i supposed to be a good friend to others if i'm not even a good sister?
how can i even begin to understand my friends if i dun even understand my own sister?

i wish u were more open abt stuff u do, abt things u feel so i dun haf to find out abt these stuff behind ur back.
i feel like a thief, a burgler and i hate this feeling.

i dun mean to put u down in this post.
i just want to express the anguish, the hurt i feel tt u are not opening up to me.
and i really dunno y.

it's like one moment ago, u were this happy-go-lucky carefree little girl,
and the next you are this angsty, reticent and bottled-up teenager who just lives within her own shell.
i just want to leave u with an analogy:
if u bottle everything up inside,
the one day tt u cannot keep everything inside,
u'll literally explode.
and tt's when u say things u dun mean and hurt ppl u dun want to.
i've been through this before so i noe how it's like.

i'm pretty sure u'll find this post naggy.
or if i've hurt u in any way by posting this, do shout it out.
and i'm apologising in advance if tt's the case.

i hope this works.
i'm really at my wits' ends.